The Perfect Mother-In-Law

It was during my initial days in Chennai that I met Revamma* at Tambaram. My friend took me to her house as I was searching for a paying guest home. She looked like any other woman of the age 60 years. There were a lot of confusions inside me after seeing her. She seemed very strict and for somebody like me who live without any discipline, staying with her and the family didn’t sound like a good idea.But, my situation was so crucial that I badly wanted a place to stay.

(Here onwards I will be addressing her as Aunty.)

While walking back after giving the advance amount, I shed my worries to my friend. The family is very big consisting of eleven people – Aunty,Uncle,their four sons, Uncle’s Mother, Uncle’s niece, wives of first and second sons and the new-born of first son. Only the elder son, his wife and second son’s wife know to speak in English. Those days, I didn’t know Tamil and these people spoke Telugu at home. This home was only a temporary escape from the jail like hostel I was staying for the first one month of my job. Though reluctantly, I still moved in to their place. I was given a room which had a different stairway from theirs.

I moved in on a Saturday and next morning, as usual, I over slept. According to the deal, the family would be giving me food too. Waking up at 11.30 in the morning and asking for breakfast seemed a very bad idea. So I again slept to wake up at 3 PM when Aunty banged on my door. She said something to me and I understood it like “Please brush your teeth and come for lunch”. After refreshing myself I went to their house and I saw a crowd there. This is the problem when we grow up in a nuclear family and have not seen anybody other than your parents and sibling. I was seeing the complete family for the first time. Aunty and Paattima(Uncle’s Mother) were having lunch at the dining table. Rest of the folks was sitting on the mats spread on the floor. I was in confusion where to sit but when Aunty told me to sit on the chair next to hers I obeyed like a good girl.

That was the first and last day I felt strangeness about the family. Aunty adopted me as her daughter as she doesn’t have one. We had language issues but still we communicated and laughed out for jokes. They educated me on Tamil and Telugu movies. Altogether the family was a completely happy family.

Aunty stole my heart for various reasons.

She kept a very good rapport with her daughters-in-law. There were no rules kept for them. Three of them would go out for a walk in the evening. Aunty has no hesitation in serving food for them. The first DIL** told me that she didn’t want to go to her house during the 7th month of pregnancy. She did so only because of her family nagged her. I felt so happy when I heard both the DILs told me that they liked Aunty so much. I understood that it is true in my one year’s stay at their place. Aunty never made a fuss about the DILs taking afternoon nap. When she wants coffee after the nap, she prepares it by herself. She is very considerate when the DILs are having their periods, allowing them to take rest. Those days she cooks for all of us without any complaints. I regret for not taking that rare moment in the history of MILs*** and DILs in India. Both of the DILs don’t know to wear sari. They would stand in front of Aunty like obedient kids and she would make them wear it. The rarest scene I am talking about is Aunty kneeling down on the floor to correct the DILs’ sari fall. I wonder whether there is any MIL in India who would do so.

I respect her for bringing up her sons teaching them every household work. Though the first two sons are married, they both wash their plates after meals. All four of them know to cook, clean the house and wash clothes. They are a middle class family but Uncle and Aunty, though they are not educated, have brought them up well.

Once, her second son went for a movie with his friends without taking his wife. He didn’t take her because he and his friends had some plans after the movie. The second DIL felt little sad about it and you know what Aunty did? We, ladies in the house, went for the same movie next day. The DILs go out with their friends, their friends come home and everybody likes Aunty so much. When the second DIL became pregnant, she refused to go to her house for the delivery. She said that she is happier here than at her own house. But, Aunty told her to go. It was a surprise for me to see Aunty calling up the second DIL daily.

My mind was full of prejudices before moving in thinking whether Aunty would watch my moves and schedules. But, as long as I update her whether I would be there for dinner or not, she hasn’t controlled my lifestyle in any way. She has never asked where I am going or with whom I am going out. She never made comments about my schedules or clothes. In fact, there were a couple of times when I actually hugged her and cried because of some issues at work.

When people around me burst my ear drums with horrifying stories of their MIL, Revamma is a Goddess.

 

 

*Not the original name

**Daughter – in-law

*** Mother-in-law

I need Feminism Because

I see a society which treats girls and boys differently
I see boys advised not to cry
I see the corporate world which proclaims gender equality at work, refuses to promote women,especially married women and women back after pregnancy
I see  families which boast about forward thinking and modern living,expect the daughter to guard the family’s honor.
I see women including educated and independent (?) still forced to seek permissions to men 
I see women suffering because of other women
I see men refusing blatantly to respect women coworkers
I see men expected to bear a family’s financial burden
I see girls expected to be nice,patient and polite
I see boys expected to be sporty,short-tempered and arrogant
I see colors attached to the genders
I see boy babies are still the preferred ones
I see families lamenting an unmarried girl as a headache
I see a world blaming the girl/woman when she is molested/raped/harassed/assaulted
I see a world teasing rape victims
I see a boy with lots of girls as a friends called a playboy and a girl with lots of boys as friends as a slut
I see a society which sees men who fight for women’s rights as lesser men
I see a society which sees women who fight for women’s rights are laughed at and teased
I see a world discouraging girls from pursuing higher studies just because they are at marriageable age
I would be getting nasty comments on this post after publishing

 

Image courtesy : http://feministai.com

My LIFE in Six Words

A chance to look back and sum up our life is worth a shot.This post is part of CBC’s Six-Word Memoir Tag post series.This tag was passed to me by Gayathri Kannan ,a girl with big dreams, who writes beautiful poems.

My life has been an eventful roller coaster ride and to sum up in six words is quite an interesting challenge.

I pass this tag to Deepak Raghuraman who inspires the readers by his posts.He is a passionate music enthusiast and plays Carnatic violin too.

Image courtesy : Rajeswari Devadoss

This is Why I’m Still HOPEFUL

The world is still a better place to live because there are people who still understand and empathize the world.

Rented Happiness

Her fingers are clutched refusing to open to feel my fingers. Her curly hair slightly waved in the mild gush of the wind coming through the window. She looked calm yet stubborn showing reluctance to know her new world. I mildly played with the fragile curls of hair without letting her wake up from sleep. The serenity created by the nature to put a baby asleep made me wonder about the mysteries unknown to human beings. Her foot looked like a strawberry pastry with tiny toes as almond slices. Her fragile body made the mother inside me blow off completely.

I looked at her closely to find whether she has any of my traits. She looked exactly like her Father inheriting every physical feature of him. She has a broader forehead, tiny pointed nose and narrow chin exactly like her Father’s. Her fingers are long and thin. Every time he touched me with his long and thin fingers, they gave shivers of pleasure and happiness. His hands are strong and his chest is warm. The only thing she took over from me is the habit of sleeping on his chest tightly hugging him. I leaned over her and softly kissed on her cheeks. Did she smile in her sleep when I kissed or was it just an illusionary prejudice?

“Ragini, how many times I have told you not to sit next to the baby in your dirty clothes?” Her Mother shouted at me and my smile faded away in air.

“Go to kitchen and do your work.” She held the door opened for me to walk out of the room. I looked back at the baby once and slowly walked away.

He stood outside the room and said nothing. I didn’t want to look at him.

And that night when he knocked on my door, I lied down as if I didn’t hear any knocks.

 

The Last Time I…

The Last Time I gifted someone was a week back,

The Last Time I kissed my parents was three weeks back,

The Last Time I watched sunrise sitting on the sands of beach was a month back,

The Last Time I helped a stranger was two months back,

The Last Time I walked in the rain without an umbrella was three months back,

The Last Time I dipped my legs in a flowing river was four months back,

The Last Time I held a baby in my hands was five months back,

The Last Time I took a long walk was six months back,

The Last Time I sat with and listened to an elderly couple was seven months back,

The Last Time I did a night out to finish a book was eight months back,

The Last Time I sang to a small crowd with butterflies inside my stomach was ten months back,

The Last Time I wrote an exam was a year back,

The Last Time I allowed a kid to experiment her Mehandi skills on my hands was two years back,

The Last Time I tried cooking something new was three years back,

The Last Time I traveled in the metro train without getting down until I finished reading a book was four years back,

The Last Time I went for a trekking was five years back,

The Last Time I wept like a kid missing someone was six years back,

The Last Time I got terrified when back stabbed was seven years back,

The Last Time I jumped out of joy of getting something I longed for was eight years back,

The Last Time I looked deep into somebody’s eyes was nine years back,

The Last Time I enjoyed the purest form of friendship was ten years back,

The Last Time I played cricket with friends was twelve years back,

The Last Time I saw death right next to me was fifteen years back.

 

When was the last time you did…?

 

Young Indian women are taught by their mothers that men are sex crazy dogs

This is a message which I got in my blog’s Facebook page.I felt that his message should be shared and read by others.So sharing the message as a post with his consent.

Greetings…
This is S, born in India and living in Canada.
Hi, you have a great blog I must say.
I liked your post about I hate being Indian woman.
Indian women are so much repressed that it’s so sad. Who is to blame?? I will tell you from my observation.
The core reason for the degraded status of Indian women in Indian society is the Caste system.I have observed that the only reason why we have arranged marriages in India is to keep the caste system alive. There is no other reason for that and the pride of the family is associated with the female.If people from different caste are allowed to mingle freely, the status of women will improve dramatically. But elimination of caste system won’t happen because it will destroy Hinduism, and don’t even think for a second that in Ancient India the status of women was better .We all know about Droupadi, Sita , Kunti etc…

Indian parents (In India and aboard ) do pay for our tuition fee etc. but the real reason behind is ,by doing this and pampering us with money ,they buy us and make us their obedient dogs. They at the core are extremely evil. And all of this is done, so we will get married in our own caste ( inter-caste marriage cases in upper caste, marrying a lower caste is a BIG NO), so Indian parents do all this to keep their status in the caste society.

I thank Ambedkar who wrote the Indian constitution; he was the first Indian who provided a document to give equal human rights to women, low castes etc. And this is the reason he is hated by upper caste Hindus. India is a Khap country in itself. I can guarantee that there would be hardly 1% of the people who are commenting on your article who would be willing to get their brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, married to someone outside their Castes. I can guarantee that. And as for me, I have told my family from the beginning that I will never get married. All married Indians look depressed and unhappy to me. Till this date every Indian is just silently biased towards me. Hindus at core are superstitious, conservative, orthodox, and stupid. They have a Mob Mentality; they are terrified at the thought of doing anything independently. Even Independence was given to them by BAPU, who took them kicking and screaming and trying to knock sense into them, but they finally bumped him off, yes it took a stupid, religious fanatic, and idiotic Indian to Kill Bapu. That is an Indian. Indians like to talk about others and comment but have a separate rule book for themselves.

Treatment of women is just a blunt, naked, crude, brutal and shameless reflection of the Indian masses who are Racist Pigs.

I have decided to stay unmarried even before teenage, I am 25 now but, I know that Indian people won’t let me live in peace.So after completing my B.E I left India and came to Canada for higher studies. To my surprise, I met Indians here and it’s the same story. They keep their sexually repressive and conservative tradition with them here as well. I am sick of this pathetic Indian culture.
I had a relationship with a neighbor girl but she was from another caste.So when she came into college she got afraid and broke up with me.I proposed a girl in my college, she liked me but as her caste was different and she refused; because her parents won’t allow her to marry me.
Since then I have built up a hatred for Indian girls. In my world they do not exist, they are not individuals, they are like a herd of sheep. I am so happy that I am in Canada, at least you can talk to a girl (East Asians, African-Americans and Americans) who have a personality , you can date them, they don’t give you a rape warning or a marriage ultimatum like Indian women.

After completing my studies I got a good job. There are some Indian women here I know who are still unmarried (college students and above 25), they see a good slave and a good provider in me and try to lure me into having a relationship with them, I can’t say F***OFF on their faces but I know what they want, they want a good earning slave.To avoid them, I keep a low profile. I try my best to ignore Indian women all the time.

Being an Indian, I like Indian women the most, but our social, religious and caste system is so f***d up that as a man you don’t even want to try. An Indian male (like an Indian female) have to live a sexless life in his teens and college years and his only way to get some sexual pleasure is marriage. Such a bullsh*t evil society we have. I have a question, do Indian women know there is a thing called sex, or are they just sexless creatures?

If you talk to an Indian woman she only thinks you just want to have sex with her. Young Indian women are taught by their mothers that men are sex crazy dogs and you have to withhold sex and they will act like an obedient dogs to get sex.That’s exactly how Indian women see men.I swear I was extremely surprised when I talked to women from other races and nationalities, they were so respectful, friendly, open-minded and they did not treat me like I am a sexually pervert animal.
However after reading your blog I have come to the conclusion that, it’s the society, religion and caste system that makes Indian women the way they are .So I have changed my status to “I hate Indian women” to ” I am indifferent to Indian women “. They just don’t exist in my world (and in my Indian friends world) .We want to be with Indian women but their mind is so brainwashed and controlled by their parents, society, religion. Stupid traditions and caste that we don’t even try .Only they can break the chains of slavery , and they must stop being obedient cows of their parents, if your parents don’t respect your free choice they should go to hell. But are Indian women ready to take the responsibility into their hands???

In Indian society, caste is respected and not individuals.
Caste=group=mob mentality. Lack of individuality; it’s so deep-rooted in Indian culture that even NRIs are terrified when some other guy try to do something different like, dating other races, trying to have non-Indian friends, buying a different type of car (sports, coupé), buying an expensive liquor, buying expensive stuff, taking a cab, buying organic food, having roommates who are from different nationalities etc.
As far as Indian women are concerned , no angels from the skies are coming to help them, to hell with those emotionally torturing parents, until new generation does not challenge their parents (like I did) nothing is going to change.
That’s the question, are Indian women ready to challenge their own parents, caste system, stupid male dominated religions and rituals etc. Are they ready to take responsibilities into their hands?? are they ready to think and act as a group (women of India ) instead of being from upper-lower caste women ??”
(Sorry for such a long post… and yeah it does not matter if you are a man or woman, our society don’t let us and our parents live peacefully, when are you going to get married ??apke ladke ki shaadi nahi hui ?? SIGH).

Thank god I don’t live in a psychopath society like India, and here in Canada I avoid Indian families and Indian girls , sorry no disrespect to Indian woman but they are just looking for marriage on the other hand I just want to live my life freely and I make a good economical slave. (And sex is not a bad thing, thankfully unlike Indian and Muslim women rest of the womankind of this planet do enjoy sex just for the sake of having & enjoying it with no secret plans in their minds to trap a man)

Anyway have a good day,
‘S’

Related Read

Why have I not got married?

Rational Views on Casteism,Indian Women and Parents

A to Z Challenge

Writing twenty-six posts is an exhausting task and that is why I didn’t take up the A – Z Challenge widely happening in blogosphere. This post is a hood to hide my laziness to write separate posts.

Anklets 

This is an ornament which I love a lot and end up not wearing it. The silver thread which adorns a girl’s ankle is a beautiful frame. May be it is all about what I feel about my legs that I avoided them since my late teens. I love listening to the tinkling of them when my Mom walks around in the house and sometimes I even decipher her mood from the rhythm of the tinkling.

Beach

People close to give me looks when I get excited like a kid every time I hear the word beach. Beach has been always my weakness that I never get bored with walking in the beach. The waves, the wind, the way my hair go out of control, the way waves come behind me to soak me, the feeling of solitude and romance in watching a sunrise in the beach make me way too attached to beaches.

Cancer

I am not talking about the Zodiac sign Cancer but this is about the disease Cancer. Though there is no history of Cancer in my family, my intuition tells me that down the lane in my life, cancer would eat my life and I would lose my beautiful hair. I am purposely writing this so that years later, if I am down with Cancer I would know that even my intuitions are right.

Darkness

There is a poem in Malayalam which says “Velicham Dukhamanunni,Thamasallo Sukhapradham” which translates to “Light is sadness, Darkness is better”. Darkness has its own beauty and charm. The amount of solitude that darkness gives to life is incomparable with the brightness of life.

Exaggeration

There are times when I like to talk things exaggerated;it is fun.The memes wouldn’t be this hilarious if they were not exaggerated.In a nut shell,exaggerate if you want to get noticed.

Fear

Fear holds me back from doing, thinking and seeing a lot of things which I actually want to do, think and see in life. Now are you asking me what I’m feared of?Then,there is a long list waiting for you which I am not planning to let out.But,I do think that fear is the biggest obstacle which makes people reluctant from doing things they love and at the same time, fear is the biggest boon which makes you refrain from doing things which are wrong.

Gold

The relationship between Kerala women and gold are much stronger and deeper than the love women have for their men.(Un)Fortunately, gold has always failed to impress me despite it enjoying the limelight from rest of the Malayalee women. If women go crazy about the yellow tint, then it is the same yellow tint which makes me dislike this expensive metal.So, if you want to impress me, do it with a Diamond.

History

I love History. I love my family’s History. I love my state’s History. I love my country’s History. If I had enough money to travel around, I would be glad to go in search of the roots of my ancestors. I would like to know how good or bad people they were, I would like to know how they lived, how they loved, how they earned, how they disintegrated and how they died.

Infidelity

I am amazed at the profound, powerful and mysterious beauty of this feeling. I remember reading an article about Infidelity by Dr.Vijay Nagaswami and he says “Infidelity is not an accident“.

Jug Head

I’m a jug head though I don’t admit it very easily. I make people drop their jaws by making blunders in life. Let me not explain more about this for a safe side but you can still get a sneak peek here.

Kites

I have not flown a kite in my life. The book, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini taught me a lot of facts about kites and flying kites. The book made me to yearn to fly like a kite with a broken thread, to fly among the clouds enjoying the breeze and then to slowly fall down on the floor once tired.

Lies

A close friend advised me not to tell lies and I asked him why. He told me that I don’t know how to lie to people and it was just an illusion inside me that people believed me when I lied to them. The ability to lie is an innate quality I guess that I have seen people talented enough to make lies sound better than the truth.

Motherhood

Blame it on my Mother who injected the beautiful feeling of Motherhood. She always searches for words to make me understand how she felt every time I kicked the walls of womb. Last year, when I made an announcement ”I want to become pregnant” ,my friends freaked out. They asked me for the reason and I replied them ” I want to wear the maternity tiered dress Vidya Balan wears in the movie Kahaani“. And they sighed.

Night

“Nights are beautiful and days are dull” is my theory. Except my craziness about sunrise, I love everything related to nights such as dinner, moonlight, late night walks, darkness and night life.

Oppression

The feeling of oppression cannot be understood or empathized unless if undergo it. Oppression manipulates you, fakes you and defeats you.I do know a lot of people who lived without breaking their silence and the stories are horrendous.If only they had used the will power to live through the bad times to speak up for themselves.

Past

Past is past but, is past always forgotten? Present is considered as a gift but, then even your past was present yesterday and why wasn’t it a gift?

Quilt

Quilts make me lazier and the energy to beat out the temptation is always lost in the battle.

Redemption

This word is as high as the sky, as deep as the ocean and as good as an angel. You get stabbed in front by the dagger of regret, get burned in the fire of guilt and then get into the state of redemption where you are healed from the wounds of mistakes.

Sleep

I’m not an innocent person but, I can fall asleep in a flick of a second anywhere, anytime and anyway. Sleep and I go hand in hand everywhere making my life much simpler and easier. Now don’t be jealous, your green stares don’t touch me at all.

Toilet

Not many people talk about toilets and for me, toilet should be cleaner than the bedroom. I compromise on everything else in a house but not on toilet. It is a big turn off for me when I’m forced to use unclean toilets.

Uterus

I have seen uterus. Yes! I have seen my Mother’s uterus. Though I saw it in terrible pain, I still wonder how such a mass of flesh accommodated me.

Vermilion

This color makes me smile which even a red rose fails to do so. The beauty of my Mother is incomplete without the vermilion color on her forehead. If you ask me what the color of love is, I would say vermilion rather than red.

Work

Work is LIFE. This sums up everything. I do take occasional vacations to beat the heat of work, but life without work is as boring as life without meaning. Though I rant about the tensions and frustrations of my work, it is still an essential part of my life which gives me a reason to start a day. Let me thank my work life for making me love weekends a lot.

Xenophobia

This word was not selected to fit in for the alphabets X.I do have xenophobia and I’m trying my best to overcome it. If I was not suffering from this, I would have been writing this post from New York.

Yawn

I shamelessly yawn and I know it is very weird but can’t help it. If you make me bored, you have no choice other than undergoing this one.

Zodiac

According to me, zodiac signs and readings manipulate our mind. If you read this post, you would understand why.

Image courtesy : VinodVV Photography and multiple websites

Wordless Wednesday (8) – Cute Looks

A Phone Call

Aditi:  I wish you were not married.

Ayan: Three years back I called you up to propose you but, you cut my call the moment you heard my voice.

Aditi:  I never knew that you had called me up to do so.

Ayan: Even I never expected that you would wait for me this long.

 

Moral of the story: Think twice before you cut a phone call.