Worries of an Indian Boy – Question No.4

Continued from here,the fourth question asked in the survey was

Do you think Indian men can help to make India a safer country for women to live in?

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I have purposely not moderated the answers for this question.

Absolutely, the problem causer can simply refrain and make way for a safer place. How to achieve it is based on a deeper introspection and a practical approach. In my view three aspects that drive men to commit crimes against women.

a. Women being glamour material in most movies, TV shows, ads etc. | The start

b. Pornography | The continuation

c. Prostitution being illegal & scarce | The effect of harassing any and all women instead.

Firstly the offense committing men cannot be stopped from doing so by law or by force (history has only seen the uptrend) but only by providing them alternative avenues. Hence the premise of my solution is basically that all such men are sex craved ones.

To make our country a safe place for women, there needs a lot of ground breaking stuff that needs to be done and one of the important ones of it is to make a system of legalizing prostitution (for both men and women) as well as it should not be a unclean shady affair but a safe, satisfaction guaranteed one making sure those employed retain their respect! – Charan Saravana

No. Well, this may be a bit conservative thought, but I think it is true, at least from my perspective. Indian women is gaining well in terms of expressing their opinions and is being better educated and certainly add much to development of society when compared to early years. This is due to the prominent interest that women should equal man in every aspects. Naturally, its human nature that if I hold power, and if someone else agree it, then I’d have a tendency to take care of the other. So, if men equals women, definitely, there will be competition in everything, and ultimately women’s safety will be compromised. Since Indian women as history suggests are highly talented, there will be unhealthy competition for sure. – Kizhakkepurakkal Ashwin

Yes, they can. But they wont. There are two ways to make place safer for women. Standing up for girls in distress and other hero stuff. That takes a lot of courage and super hero kind of observation. But there is stopping to do the staring and enjoying the accidental brushes. Basically stopping the villain stuffs. It is very sad to say but if you take a survey, every adolescent is willing to take a chance in this. I don’t know whether the reason is peer pressure or other stupid things. I would love to write yes, we can protect girls by walking around with hockey sticks and all. But till pinching a girl’s breast or hip gives high to a male, this isn’t gonna stop. There is a serious re-engineering needed in the parenting on this front. – Bragadeesh Prasanna

I really don’t know what do to about this. Both men and women has to do something about this. Both has to be open minded and stop looking at each other as aliens. The society has a big role here. I feel all the suppression of our real feelings comes out as rape and such. There is no simple ans single solution. you just have to give time to change the society from within. I don’t think strikes and such makes these problems go away. – Vipin Lal

4) Yes men can strive to do it. If all men are disciplined and view women via soul and not  body, this whole world will be a heaven to live in. Also en equal coöperation from women via their dressing and behavior and everything. Because for this place to be a heaven requires all the people participation and coöperation. – Name withheld

Yes, Indian men can do this, certainly
Indian men should be respectfully to woman and show this in public as an example
Indian men should take party for women in case other men attacking women verbal and non-verbal
Indian men should follow the rules of politeness
Indian police must chase the attacks against women. Important police persons are men
Indian woman should perform in movies not as a victim of the strong and good-looking mean
but one remark: the male child should learn in childhood that he is not the king – Joe Di

Please rephrase the question. It is not men / women who make a country a safer place but the society which consists of both men and women coupled with fair laws – Burt Phoenix

More than what men can do to safeguard women, women themselves should be sensible enough not to put her in a spot which is unsafe.  – Joshi Mukard

When 92% of crimes happen against men. When the rate of female criminals is increasing in India. Then I do not see the need to focus on women safety alone. – Amit Deshpande

 If there is anyone who can do it, it is the Indian men, isn’t. If they learn to keep it in their pants, the women folk will be safe. Simple.  – Ganesh Raj

No, you cant expect the wolf to guard the sheep. Unless women fight
for their rights they will get none. Men are great threats to women but
greater threats to themselves. If women want freedom they have to
fight for it else, cause men are not going to give you rights because
if they do they lose control. Control over someone(men/women) is
actually an orgasmic power trip – Name Withheld

Firstly, by treating women with respect as equals.
Secondly, by intervening when they see a woman being harassed.
Thirdly, by helping to empower women to take care of themselves.
(Frankly, this (making India a safer country for women to live in) needs a lot of effort and struggle by all people ( men and women, private citizens, police, government, etc.).) – Name withheld

First, I will accept India is not that safe country for women to live in. We stand in a very poor place when it comes to women safety and empowerment according to UN Development Index. but i feel Indian men can make India safer for women, If u ask me how, its simple, learning to treat them equal. But they have to be taught. And i think it should all starts from the family itself. – Gokoulane Ravi

If you are talking about all the Indian men then it very difficult but those are who are against it can help in by reacting against the crime on the spot. But yet i don’t know, it is a curse for the women that they are been raped – Name withheld

*I hope I haven’t messed up with the names and permissions granted.If yes,please let me know immediately.

 

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I need Feminism Because

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I see a society which treats girls and boys differently
I see boys advised not to cry
I see the corporate world which proclaims gender equality at work, refuses to promote women,especially married women and women back after pregnancy
I see  families which boast about forward thinking and modern living,expect the daughter to guard the family’s honor.
I see women including educated and independent (?) still forced to seek permissions to men 
I see women suffering because of other women
I see men refusing blatantly to respect women coworkers
I see men expected to bear a family’s financial burden
I see girls expected to be nice,patient and polite
I see boys expected to be sporty,short-tempered and arrogant
I see colors attached to the genders
I see boy babies are still the preferred ones
I see families lamenting an unmarried girl as a headache
I see a world blaming the girl/woman when she is molested/raped/harassed/assaulted
I see a world teasing rape victims
I see a boy with lots of girls as a friends called a playboy and a girl with lots of boys as friends as a slut
I see a society which sees men who fight for women’s rights as lesser men
I see a society which sees women who fight for women’s rights are laughed at and teased
I see a world discouraging girls from pursuing higher studies just because they are at marriageable age
I would be getting nasty comments on this post after publishing

 

Image courtesy : http://feministai.com

A Friday

Fridays are fun.

Friday mornings are brighter and Friday nights are livelier.

The Chennai city is a beauty during the month of December and commuting makes me feel heaven as I travel with the school kids. As the students are busy with their half-yearly examinations in December, it is a nostalgic scene to see the kids all over the city in the morning. All of them carry a plastic bag in which the wooden/plastic writing board is kept. The projection of pencil box and books could be clearly seen outside the plastic cover. The relief of each exam getting over is clear on their faces. The kids are accompanied by either their Mother or Grand Father. I look into their textbooks, at times into their question papers too and then sigh thinking what an emotional fool I am. Some kids will be very excited to tell me how they multiplied two numbers or how they matched certain monuments to their respective places. Thus the third week of December and March are weeks which I indeed look forward to. The kids bring back a lot of memories and the nostalgic-emotional-heart of mine forces me to regret for not understanding the value of childhood and school days then.

In last December, on the third Friday, a Mother and a boy got inside the share auto. The boy and I became great friends in two minutes. It was his last exam and he showed me his Social Studies question paper and we discussed the answers thoroughly before I predicted his marks. I carry chocolates in my hand bag only with the motive of bribing the kids who travel with me. To celebrate the closing ceremony of examinations and to welcome the Christmas holidays, his Mother had already bought him a chocolate. So to give him company in eating the chocolate, I took one from my bag and started eating. He sat on my lap and we enjoyed the messed up traffic jam licking the chocolate. 

Suddenly, his Mother beat him on his thighs and nobody understood why. Interfering between the Mother and the son didn’t seem like a good idea, so I waited for her to speak up. She sternly asked him why he threw out the chocolate cover through the share auto’s window despite her teaching him that it is wrong.

Then, why are you scolding only me? I did so because I saw her throwing off her chocolate cover through the window.” He said this pointing at me and with mixed emotions.

The Mother rudely looked at me and said nothing. But, all that she wanted to tell me was clear from her face. Her face told me why I am such a fool who doesn’t know how to behave in public despite boasting being educated and employed. I saw the anger on her face about why people like me are not aware that the next generation is watching us.

Truthfully, until that moment I never realized that it was my habit to throw things out of the window while travelling. The boy and his Mother got down one stop before mine. He waved me good-bye and I faked my smile. I didn’t have the guts to look at the Mother’s face. I felt ashamed of myself and I stared at my cell phone.

After getting down from the auto, I walked to my office asking a million questions to myself.

Watch your acts, the kids are watching you.

 

The Truths and Facts Behind the Gibes and Jibes About Kerala

Eight years back when my parents threw me out of the house to study(which I didn’t do) computer science,understand(which confused me) engineering and earn(college granted it) the graduation degree,I never thought then that I would end up making such a post.It is very hard for people outside Kerala to accept me as a Kerala girl as I don’t satisfy most of their criteria for being one.They put me in awkward situations by opening their mouth as big as they can to show their surprise(shock?),asking several(obnoxious) questions about both Kerala and I and praising the looks of people in Kerala(excluding me).Thus I ended up making comic strips to show my clumsy,embarrassing and awkward moments.

PS : I found the below piece posted online(I don’t know who posted it to give the credits)

1.I am not a Mallu, I am a Malayali
2.Shakeela is not from my state
3.Sreesanth is from my state,but I hate him.
4.My mother tongue is not Tamil.
5.I may like Rajnikanth or Shah Rukh Khan,but I always prefer Mohanlal
6.I love cricket,but I love football more
7.I am an Indian;yes Sachin is God
8.All my uncles are not in Dubai
9.I am not always a Nair
10.I am an alcoholic,unless I am gay impotent or just plainly scared of mom.
11.I may or may not be Marxist,but essentially a socialist
12.I may not laugh at your joke.No offenses.Blame it on Jagathy Sreekumar,I have already heard them.
13.You may not laugh at my joke.No offenses.Blame it on Sreenivasan,you would not understand.
14.I am a non vegetarian and yes, I eat beef
15.If you find me and another malayali shouting at each other animatedly at the top of our voices calling each other names,never bother ;we are just having a healthy discussion on Mammootty and Mohanlal.
16.When I was a student,I never bunked.we just called a strike.
17.Yes I use a lungi and play football wearing it.Now you can’t beat that.
18.I don’t understand Kadhakali.
19.I don’t like you much,I may look down upon you.Can’t help it,that is how we are made.
20.When you are talking to me,never mention Poland.Again blame it on Sreenivasan,you wouldn’t understand.

Silence is Beautiful

When was the last time you sat in “COMPLETE” silence?

Last night,during the bed time read,I came across the word “silence” and I asked the question to myself.I couldn’t come up with an answer because I don’t remember when was the last time I sat in complete silence.I even feel that I have never experienced complete silence.

At home,even if I switch off every electronic appliance,I get to hear the noise from the street or the adjacent flat.In office,there is no chance of experiencing slience.Even during the “moment of silence”(In my office,if any of the employee is passed away,we observe two minutes silence),I hear cell phones and extensions ringing non-stop.Temples!!!NO way;so forget about it.Doctor’s place is never silent;meditation centers too.

Now is there any place where I can find silence?

The only option to try is the park next to my place at the break of the dawn.I don’t know how much effort would the nocturnal creäture inside my heart take to wake up early tomorrow.

Silence is indeed beautiful but how do I find it?

Image Courtesy : mclyte.wordpress.com

Distance From BETI to BAHU

Some daughters are lucky to have a wonderful father.He would love her,pamper her and support her very decision.He would bring her up with so much freedom and liberal views.I know such a father since 10 years.Her daughter,6 years elder to me,has done everything that an orthodox Kerala must have not even thought about.She was studious,assertive,bold,travelled alone,married an English guy and now settled in London.

I have always looked upon this father with so much respect that I have felt at times that even my father drew inspiration from him on matters related to me.He would tell everyone that girls are asset to a family.

My heart made arguments against him after I met his son,who is 3 is elder to me,couple of weeks back.He has been a very smart guy since I have known the family.He wanted to marry his girl friend who was with him in one of the top management institutes in India and the father went against his decision.

His girl friend is smart,intelligent,studious,social drinker,modern,atheist and very liberal in her views.She cooks terribly,sings well,holds a fat check job like the guy but she is not a Keralite.

The reasons which his father put forward to cancel the marriage did depress me a lot because I always thought he would treat both his beti and bahu the same.His dream bahu should be

1)not-so-smart-not-so-intelligent(WTF!!His daughter is smart and intelligent.What is wrong in being a smart and intelligent girl?)

2)a good cook(I have never seen his daughter entering in the kitchen and from the Facebook photos,I guess her English husband does most of the household work)

3)traditional and god-fearing(What is his problem with her religious views?Traditional means she should wear sari and walk around?)

4)non-drinker(His daughter drinks,so why such a constrain on the bahu?)

5)holding a small job so that she has time to look after the house(His daughter holds a very high place in a world-famous MNC.If you need somebody to look after your house,get a maid)

And when the guy argued with the father,he replied that beti and bahu are not the same. :-0

Finally,I realized the difference between beti and bahu are not just three letters but much more than that.

Poor guy!! 😦

Edited and updated : The guy is marrying somebody else after emotional pressure from his family.So no point in telling anything now.Forgot to add this piece.Thus it proves that in India even guys are not allowed to take a decision by himself,when it comes to marriage 😦

*Beti – daughter

*Bahu – daughter-in-law

THE Day!!!

I opened my eyes and looked out of the window from my ragged bed.Oh no;it’s still dark outside.I hit my face on the pillow and tried to sleep.Why is the dawn still not breaking?

What time it would be now?I again woke up and searched for Lakshmi akka on the floor.She was snoring which indicated a sound sleep.I crawled up to her and touched her nose to wake her up.She didn’t wake up.I whispered in her ears,’Akka..what time is it now?’

Get lost was the answer for my question.I jumped back to my bed.Ram who was sleeping next to me had taken away all the space in the bed.So I went to the window and stood on a stool to reach the window bars.The moonlight,the stars and cold air took me back to exactly one year.

Last year this day,a lot of people came here with gifts and chocolates.A month before this day,we were asked to write in a paper about the things which we were in need.Unfortunately I wrote  for only pen and notebooks.Ram who wrote for car and train got them as gifts.So this time I made sure to make a long list of things.I wrote for a car,train,crayons,glittering pens which Saranya got last year and a jeans.Tomorrow again some people will come with the gifts.Looks like tomorrow is somebody named Nehru‘s birthday who was India‘s first prime minister and he is no more.But I love this day.It’s been past three years that a group of people coming here every year with gifts.Last year I sang one song and got a big chocolate which I shared only with Ram.We licked it in front of Saranya who was boasting about the glittering pens which she got that day.Phew!!you should have seen her fat face going red with anger when we mocked her with our chocolate.This year I will also get one glittering pen set.Yaaahoo!!

Last year one pretty akka had come to see us.She kissed me and made me sit on her lap throughout the day.I was so happy when she told that I was looking very cute.

But Lakshmi akka was telling me that those people are showing love to us only because we don’t have parents.I didn’t like her when she told me that because the pretty akka told me that she really liked me and even kissed me while leaving from here.I hope she will come tomorrow too.

‘Karthik..Karthik..wake up..Why are you sleeping on the floor?’

‘Don’t you know that there is a function today?Get ready soon.’

While applying the talc I thought about the jeans I was going to get.I was thrilled to show it off  in front Ram and Saranya.

The function started.I searched for my pretty akka but she was missing in the crowd.

One woman came to three of us and said,’oh poor babies..they don’t have parents..don’t worry kids..we have brought you a lot of goodies’

She smelled bad and I didn’t like her.

I was waiting for my name to get called out on the stage.I ran to the podium when they called me to give the gift set for me.

The bad smelled woman gave me the gift and she patted on my head and again said ‘oh poor baby..Happy Children’s Day!!

I felt like kicking her but I had better work to do.

I went and sat next to Ram.I noticed that my gift packet is larger than his packet.We got up and sat on the stone bench to open our packets.

When I opened my box there was little things inside it.There was no train,no glittering pens and no jeans too.It had some notebooks,some pens,pencils and a pencil box.There was a letter inside the notebook cover.

‘I am sorry Karthik.As I was very busy I couldn’t shop much and didn’t get time to buy the things in your list.Anyway happy children’s day!!May God bless you.We all love you and we are praying for you.

With love,
Rita ‘

I looked at Ram.Even he didn’t get the things which he had written for.I kept my head on his shoulders and we both cried together.

On the stage that bad smelled ugly woman was shouting

‘Happy Children’s Day’!!

And we silently cried.

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Is there a law to punish “these” parents?

Five minutes back I was waiting for an auto at the nearby signal.There was a small boy aged around 7-8 years crossing the road.He was wearing an oversized football jersey.He looked all tensed and in hurry when he saw a police patrol car parked some 10 meters next to where I was standing.

When he realized that the policemen were staring at him,he tried to hide something which was there in his trousers’ right pocket.I thought he stole something from somewhere.So I walked behind him to see whether he gets caught by the police or not.He tried to run when the policemen again stared at him and they caught him.

I didn’t know what to do so just stood next to them.The boy didn’t take his hands from the firmly covered pocket.The policemen asked him whether he stole something but he tried to run away from their hands.After grabbing him back they took THE thing from his pocket.It was a bottle of brandy.Upon asking he told that his father and friends were waiting for him to start their Sunday boozing.It was his father who gave money and sent him to the alcohol shop.WHAT THE #%&*?

Isn’t there any law to punish these people?

More than punishing the parents,I worry about the kid.Imagine the impact he had when caught by police and surrounded by people?Wouldn’t that stay deep inside his heart for long?

Not A Story

    Shared by a friend

I was walking around in a Big Bazar store making shopping, when I saw
a  Cashier talking to a boy couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 years
old..

The Cashier said, ‘I’m sorry, but you don’t have enough money to buy
this doll. Then the little boy turned to me and asked: ”Uncle, are
you sure I don’t have enough money?”

I counted his cash and replied: ”You know that you don’t have enough
money to buy the doll, my dear.” The little boy was still holding the
doll in his hand.

Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give
this doll to. ‘It’s the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so
much . I wanted to Gift her for her BIRTHDAY.

I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my
sister when she goes there.’ His eyes were so sad while saying this.
‘My Sister has gone to be with God.. Daddy says that Mommy is going to
see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with
her to give it to my sister…”

My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: ‘I
told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I
come back from the mall.’ Then he showed me a very nice photo of him
where he was laughing. He then told me ‘I want mommy to take my
picture with her so my sister won’t forget me.’ ‘I love my mommy and I
wish she doesn’t have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go
to be with my little sister.’ Then he looked again at the doll with
sad eyes, very quietly..

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. ‘Suppose we check
again, if you do have enough money for the doll?”

‘OK’ he said, ‘I hope I do have enough.’ I added some of my money to
his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough
for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: ‘Thank you God for giving me enough money!’

Then he looked at me and added, ‘I asked last night before I went to
sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so
that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!” ‘I also wanted
to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn’t
dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll
and a white rose. My mommy loves white roses.’

I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I
started. I couldn’t get the little boy out of my mind. Then I
remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a
truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The
little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical
state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the
life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to
recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this meet with the little boy, I read in the news
paper that the young woman had passed away.. I couldn’t stop myself as
I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where
the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make
last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a
beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and
the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling
that my life changed for ever.

The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is
still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a
drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Please DO NOT DRINK & DRIVE.