Worries of an Indian Boy – Question No.5

Continued from here,the final question asked in the survey was

Do you think the rapes cases are creating a generalization attitude which says all men are bad?

5

 

Since I don’t interact with a lot of women, I don’t know. May be. At least when reading newspapers, I get the feeling that every other man is a potential rapist!
Now, to the question of how to bring a change, my solution would be that of an extremist, but anyways, I think rape cases could be avoided or at least brought down, if Indian people are more liberal towards sex. An average Indian man marries at the age of 28 while he reaches adolescence at say 14 or so.. In conservative Indian society, it takes 14 years for a man to have sex with a woman- of course, pre-marital sex is still considered sin/ immoral. Moreover, all these years after adolescence, he might have watched millions of movies and stuff not necessary illegal, which have either one or two sex scenes and the like. It is a good quality of mind that a man doesn’t violate a woman in any means. But at the same time, a rapist is almost a hungry wolf, not bothering whether his food is stolen or not!Well, rape committed by a married man in that sense would clearly be unjustified and a crime. If it were for men, who become pregnant, rape cases would still exist, but the, rape would be charged the other way round. Mind you, by the above statement, I am not justifying a rapist, but in turn, thinking it in a more general perspective.
So, as I said before, the best way would be for the society to take a more liberal attitude towards sex.
may be legalizing prostitution or setting up government run brothels in a healthier and safer way? And still if rape cases exist, just go for capital punishment, That’s all. – Kizhakkepurakkal Ashwin

No, definitely not. But it does make women a bit more cautious during their dealings with men, but definitely it doesn’t create a generalizing tendency among women. Besides, I don’t think most women are crude enough to look at all men with such condescending.  However, a change is required in the mindset of most men to look at women as equals and not as sex objects, through appropriate sex education right from adolescence and encouraging more socializing among men and women to understand each other. – Name Withheld

Its basically based on how the media portrays. Hence the only way to change this is making media more sensitive to facts and accountable for publishing data that does not have sounding proof behind it! – Charan Saravana

It obviously is. But there is a truth in it because, women in India are terrified and pushed to a limit that they cannot trust anyone. A friendly uncle, cousin brother even father in some cases had abused their trust and body. If they can’t even believe their family, they obviously would generalize the attitude of other men as well. It is the collective duty of all Indian men to stop harassing and start building trust. Then their son or grandson can see the result. – Bragadeesh Prasanna

Rape has existed for long; what comes to the fore is the women who are raped; there is a massive silence on the men who are raped; yes gay and bisexual men and women are there; rape happens both ways. ‘Virginity’ is not something restricted to women alone. Beginning with the ‘Delhi-rape’ case which got massive media publicity, a tendency to view all Indian men as ‘womanizer’ and rapists has set in and this is a mentality that is very tough to change. A few rotten eggs will always stay and rotten eggs have a tendency to corrupt the good eggs placed in the same basket. So there is no solution for this. I have cousins in Delhi, NCR and Kerala; I am frightened for them;it is in the power of the sacred rakhi that I receive from them that I place my trust and I know that they are trained to protect themselves, but an inevitable sense of dread always remains. – Mahesh Lakshmanan

Rapes happen in every country, every government is corrupt. I got few suggestions not sure how practical they are

1. Sex Education, we need to educate people about STD/STI

2. Escort/Prostitution License. It exists in society anyways, why not make it licensed and do it the correct way

3. Stop the tradition of arrange marriage altogether. Let kids do the hard work and let them decide when and who they want to marry

4. If a guy hangs out with bunch of girls he is a pussy, if a girl hangs out with bunch of guys she is a whore. Its because other guys/gals are jealous. Need to change this mentality

5. We need to have a equal society. A person who is a mechanic is as human as you are and in all possibility he is in a better shape. Its just his job. We need to promote a life after work or pursuing hobby  I see this thing is trending in youths today, they have a life out of work and they have a hobby but its still a small percentage – Name Withheld

Rape cases are generalized in a different way. Every other day there is rape stories in TV, and even women have grown bored of it – they simply change the channel and enjoy a song in which a hero is teasing the heroine. So the answer is NO – at least I’m not being looked at as if I’m a rapist!! – Joshi Mukard

Rape cases don’t, but few feminist project all Indian men as rapist. Rapes are occurring only because of poor legal sanctions. If we need to bring a change, we must implement the exiting laws and if needed we must bring much further stringent laws. Educate kids right from early age. Sex education is required. – Deepak Karthik


*I hope I haven’t messed up with the names and permissions granted.If yes,please let me know immediately.

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Worries of an Indian Boy – Question No.4

Continued from here,the fourth question asked in the survey was

Do you think Indian men can help to make India a safer country for women to live in?

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I have purposely not moderated the answers for this question.

Absolutely, the problem causer can simply refrain and make way for a safer place. How to achieve it is based on a deeper introspection and a practical approach. In my view three aspects that drive men to commit crimes against women.

a. Women being glamour material in most movies, TV shows, ads etc. | The start

b. Pornography | The continuation

c. Prostitution being illegal & scarce | The effect of harassing any and all women instead.

Firstly the offense committing men cannot be stopped from doing so by law or by force (history has only seen the uptrend) but only by providing them alternative avenues. Hence the premise of my solution is basically that all such men are sex craved ones.

To make our country a safe place for women, there needs a lot of ground breaking stuff that needs to be done and one of the important ones of it is to make a system of legalizing prostitution (for both men and women) as well as it should not be a unclean shady affair but a safe, satisfaction guaranteed one making sure those employed retain their respect! – Charan Saravana

No. Well, this may be a bit conservative thought, but I think it is true, at least from my perspective. Indian women is gaining well in terms of expressing their opinions and is being better educated and certainly add much to development of society when compared to early years. This is due to the prominent interest that women should equal man in every aspects. Naturally, its human nature that if I hold power, and if someone else agree it, then I’d have a tendency to take care of the other. So, if men equals women, definitely, there will be competition in everything, and ultimately women’s safety will be compromised. Since Indian women as history suggests are highly talented, there will be unhealthy competition for sure. – Kizhakkepurakkal Ashwin

Yes, they can. But they wont. There are two ways to make place safer for women. Standing up for girls in distress and other hero stuff. That takes a lot of courage and super hero kind of observation. But there is stopping to do the staring and enjoying the accidental brushes. Basically stopping the villain stuffs. It is very sad to say but if you take a survey, every adolescent is willing to take a chance in this. I don’t know whether the reason is peer pressure or other stupid things. I would love to write yes, we can protect girls by walking around with hockey sticks and all. But till pinching a girl’s breast or hip gives high to a male, this isn’t gonna stop. There is a serious re-engineering needed in the parenting on this front. – Bragadeesh Prasanna

I really don’t know what do to about this. Both men and women has to do something about this. Both has to be open minded and stop looking at each other as aliens. The society has a big role here. I feel all the suppression of our real feelings comes out as rape and such. There is no simple ans single solution. you just have to give time to change the society from within. I don’t think strikes and such makes these problems go away. – Vipin Lal

4) Yes men can strive to do it. If all men are disciplined and view women via soul and not  body, this whole world will be a heaven to live in. Also en equal coöperation from women via their dressing and behavior and everything. Because for this place to be a heaven requires all the people participation and coöperation. – Name withheld

Yes, Indian men can do this, certainly
Indian men should be respectfully to woman and show this in public as an example
Indian men should take party for women in case other men attacking women verbal and non-verbal
Indian men should follow the rules of politeness
Indian police must chase the attacks against women. Important police persons are men
Indian woman should perform in movies not as a victim of the strong and good-looking mean
but one remark: the male child should learn in childhood that he is not the king – Joe Di

Please rephrase the question. It is not men / women who make a country a safer place but the society which consists of both men and women coupled with fair laws – Burt Phoenix

More than what men can do to safeguard women, women themselves should be sensible enough not to put her in a spot which is unsafe.  – Joshi Mukard

When 92% of crimes happen against men. When the rate of female criminals is increasing in India. Then I do not see the need to focus on women safety alone. – Amit Deshpande

 If there is anyone who can do it, it is the Indian men, isn’t. If they learn to keep it in their pants, the women folk will be safe. Simple.  – Ganesh Raj

No, you cant expect the wolf to guard the sheep. Unless women fight
for their rights they will get none. Men are great threats to women but
greater threats to themselves. If women want freedom they have to
fight for it else, cause men are not going to give you rights because
if they do they lose control. Control over someone(men/women) is
actually an orgasmic power trip – Name Withheld

Firstly, by treating women with respect as equals.
Secondly, by intervening when they see a woman being harassed.
Thirdly, by helping to empower women to take care of themselves.
(Frankly, this (making India a safer country for women to live in) needs a lot of effort and struggle by all people ( men and women, private citizens, police, government, etc.).) – Name withheld

First, I will accept India is not that safe country for women to live in. We stand in a very poor place when it comes to women safety and empowerment according to UN Development Index. but i feel Indian men can make India safer for women, If u ask me how, its simple, learning to treat them equal. But they have to be taught. And i think it should all starts from the family itself. – Gokoulane Ravi

If you are talking about all the Indian men then it very difficult but those are who are against it can help in by reacting against the crime on the spot. But yet i don’t know, it is a curse for the women that they are been raped – Name withheld

*I hope I haven’t messed up with the names and permissions granted.If yes,please let me know immediately.

 

Worries of an Indian Boy – Preface

It is true that I have tried to bring out the issues of women without holding back any hesitation.I have always written about the issues raw so that people understand them better.I understand the surprise of my readers and I know you did check twice to know whether you are at the correct blog.You read it right;the post is about Indian men–a few good Indian men whom the world never talks about.

Why this post?

After writing the post Worries of an Indian Girl,I tried searching whether somebody has written about worries of an Indian Boy. Surprisingly there wasn’t even one post or article which discussed about them.The articles which I found were all about how bad Indian men are,how to make Indian men better human beings,Indian men are chauvinist pigs,Indian men should learn to respect etc.I do agree with the aforementioned facts.Most of the Indian men are,but there is a fact that we conveniently forget,that there are a few good Indian men too. In the flood of the articles about women issues,I kept wondering where will the worries of my Father,Brother and other male friends go?This kept me thinking and counting the good men I know in my life.How can I forget my Father who let me grow independently?How can I forget my Brother who respects my space and lifestyle?How I can forget my best friends who stayed beside me during both my ups and downs?How can I forget my teacher who took an extra effort to make me succeed?How can I forget that strange man who helped in the train?How can I forget that auto driver who dropped me home in the middle of the night even though he was done for the day?How can I forget the security guard who comes along with me in the cab and leaves only after he sees light in my apartment?How can I forget the fellow-men who take an extra effort make this world a better place for both men and women?How can I forget that policeman who took care of me during an accident?How can I forget my male colleagues who make office a better place to work?How can I forget my mentors who helped me grow personally and professionally? I read your mind.There is another side too. There are Fathers who molest their daughters,there are Brothers who sell their Sisters,there are husbands who beat their wives black and blue,there are male friends who rape their female friends,there are teachers who exploit girls,there are strange men who grope women,there are auto drivers who take girls to places,there are security guards who take advantage,there are fellow-men who make the world a bad place for women,there are policemen who are wolves in sheep’s clothing,there are male colleagues who are chauvinists and treat you like shit and there are mentors who pull you down morally and emotionally. But, do these bad men overshadow the good men?Yes!! the same way like bad women are overshadowed by good women.Below are some obvious matters which struck my mind. 1)In the Delhi gang rape case,her male friend did his best to save the girl and showed the courage to come in front of the media to tell the story.After the verdict the Mother of one of the rapists urged public to spare his son saying he is a good boy.The media didn’t make the male friend a good man or the Mother a bad woman.In fact nobody discussed this about these people. 2)It is true that men are killing new-born girl babies as they want only boy babies.But,there are women who want only boy babies too.There are Mothers-in-law who make the life of Daughters-in-law(the couple more precisely) miserable for not bearing a male child. 3)Men cheat on women,refuse divorce,kill wife to marry another woman,beat up wife,drink and waste the hard-earned money of wife,leave the wife making her to bring up kids alone etc.Then what about the women who cheat on men,women who refuse divorce,women who kill their husband so that she can marry another man,women who burn the hard-earned money of husband,men who bring up kids alone etc? 4)In most of the sex racket cases,it is always a woman who must have persuaded the girl/s to trap. 5)In most of the stove-blast deaths and dowry deaths,together with the husband the Mother-in-law and sister-in-law are also guilty for the girl’s death. 6)There are men who try to flirt or hook up with women in social media websites.The other side is that there are equal number of women who try to do the same. 7)There are men who marry for dowry money,free sex and a slave.And there are equal number of women who marry for trips to US,posh life and money of course. 8)There are husbands who cage their wife after wedding.And there are wives who restrict husband a social life after the wedding. 9)There are women who end up being female escorts out of compulsion or upon their will and there is an alarming increase in the number of male escorts too to earn quick bucks or take up the job upon their will. The list might go on. I don’t want to close my eyes towards those few good men in the country just because there is a huge percentage of bad men on the other hand.Mainly because to make this world a better place to live,a safer place for women,and a peaceful place where gender equality exists,we need good men too. To know more about the worries of Indian men,I am running a survey and you can answer the questions here. Now a question exists in your mind. Am I still a feminist? Yes,I am because I believe in gender equality. *Comments are strictly moderated.

Worries of an Indian Girl

The recent articles and blog posts about sexism and frustrations of Indian girls made me write this post.

Couple of months back my Mother asked me whether I had met one of our family friends in Chennai and I replied no. The background story is one of my family friends saw me in the Railway station and the complaint was that I was wearing a loose sleeveless top. The lady got alarmed seeing me in a sleeveless top and complained to Mother saying I should be wearing Salwars as I am Malayali girl.Apparently,the lady is worried that I am spoiling the name of keralites and Kerala’s highly boasted culture(?).Now, this not new to me. Forget about sleeveless tops and party wears, wearing jeans can earn you the name slut.I find it very difficult to understand this concept. If a girl wears a salwar/saree, then she has a good character. From when on wards did we start making analysis of a person’s character according to the clothes they wear.Now,do men have such an issue? Imagine we girls making such an analysis about men — men wearing formal shirts and pants want to sleep around, men wearing veshti don’t think about /look at girls, men wearing lungi want to eve tease or rape and so on. When women don’t judge men according to the clothes, why does vice versa exist? Do not generalize because we don’t think that a guy is bad if he is wearing clothes which he likes.

I remember getting a message in my blog page after writing the post Shadows of a Girl. The message was from an old classmate who was a constant faultfinder of my posts. The message was an apology for the rubbish comments he had posted on some of my posts. The change in attitude happened after he took his newlywed wife to Delhi for honeymoon. The message said that he fumed in anger and helplessness when his wife got lost in a crowded street and she was groped badly. He wrote that his wife cried in shock that strange men squeezed her breasts and waist in those ten minutes she got lost in the crowd. And what was her dress?A pardah!! He apologized for his earlier views on women.But,what I want to tell the world is why should you wait for something to happen to your dear ones to change your attitude? What is so difficult to think that women are human beings too? And I know, in India, men get groped too.

Don’t do such things because a girl should not do such things”. I grew up hearing this dialog round the clock from my Grand Mother.But, thanks to my parents for letting me grow up doing things from playing cricket with neighborhood boys to rolling in mud. I thought such mentality was only in Kerala but as I moved out of home and started meeting people from other parts of the country, I understood that it is a national problem. Here are ten rules which I have heard often.

1)Girls should not talk loud

2) Girls should not play with boys after 10 years old or getting her period, whichever is earlier.

3) Girls should not go out alone

4) Girls should not stay outside the home after 6 PM (This still exists in Kerala. Thanks to the men in Kerala)

5) Girls should sacrifice

6) Girls should obey their parents, elders and whomsoever who has the right to rule/shout at her

7) Girls should give more importance to her wedding than her education.

8) Girls are the honor of a family and should save it at any cost

9) Girls should not tell their opinions because they don’t know what life is

10) Girls should give more importance to her husband and his family than to herself and her family

Most of these dialogues are followed by a story from the religious books praising women in those books who made sacrifices, who were epitome of patience, who obeyed her husband without any objections, who grew up according to her parents’ wishes, who saved the honor of the family and so on. Now stop right there. First of all, it is dumb to force girls to grow up under such rules and force them to be examples of the so-called “the good girl”. Women are humans too — what’s wrong in getting angry and shouting? Why should we sacrifice things which we like just because we are women? Why should we suppress anger and be patient just because we are women? Above all, why should we be good girls, why can’t we be just girls? Imagine a society telling the Indian men to be like the ones in the religious books?

One of my friends was narrating the story of a movie. Then she said, “after that they will have this” and giggled.”They will have what?“. We asked.”You know, that“, she again giggled.”You mean they had sex?”, somebody in the gang asked. And she said, “Don’t tell it openly. It is a bad thing”. Yes, I heard this from a married woman who has a kid.Sex is one of the words which will spoil a girl’s name. People often forget that sex is a simple thing. Even when they celebrate a girl becoming pregnant, they conveniently forget that she became pregnant after having sex with her husband. It is a ubiquitous fact. The mankind still exists because people are having sex; let’s tell it that way than the rosy way of telling that babies are born. So why should a girl be bad if she talks about sex?If you want a baby then a woman should have sex with a man. This has been happening since Adam and Eve and how is a woman talking about sex a sin? (That too in this century!!)

I am in love”. How often have you heard an Indian girl telling such a thing openly?90 % of the Indian women don’t let this out because having a past relationship will spoil her chances of getting married(even if the guy who rejects this girl would have had many relationships and is not a virgin).Yes, pure-girl concept is prevalent in Asian and Eastern countries. The usual dialog from the family, “Guys can do anything. Even if he rapes girl, he will get a girl to marry” discourages women even more from telling out their feelings.Recently, one of my friends informed me that she rejected a proposal. The reason which she gave me was that the guy’s parents are dumber and my jaw dropped. Looks like the guy wanted somebody who hasn’t been in a relationship, so she politely withdrew from the proposal but his parents wanted somebody who hasn’t had any crush or infatuation so far. She asked me how they can even think of such a thing when she is already 26 years old. How does it matter whether she or he has a past? Infatuations are mementos of our teenage life. Having a relationship will only help a person grow better. I read this somewhere “Relationships are never a waste of time. If it didn’t give you what you want in life, at least you know what you don’t want in life”.

I saw a comment in a forum which discussed about the above problems,”Twenty years ago, I was reading articles on the same lines. Twenty years from now, we will continue to do so. Some themes never grow up!”

Related Read : http://tamilculture.ca/an-open-letter-to-young-tamil-men/

Young Indian women are taught by their mothers that men are sex crazy dogs

This is a message which I got in my blog’s Facebook page.I felt that his message should be shared and read by others.So sharing the message as a post with his consent.

Greetings…
This is S, born in India and living in Canada.
Hi, you have a great blog I must say.
I liked your post about I hate being Indian woman.
Indian women are so much repressed that it’s so sad. Who is to blame?? I will tell you from my observation.
The core reason for the degraded status of Indian women in Indian society is the Caste system.I have observed that the only reason why we have arranged marriages in India is to keep the caste system alive. There is no other reason for that and the pride of the family is associated with the female.If people from different caste are allowed to mingle freely, the status of women will improve dramatically. But elimination of caste system won’t happen because it will destroy Hinduism, and don’t even think for a second that in Ancient India the status of women was better .We all know about Droupadi, Sita , Kunti etc…

Indian parents (In India and aboard ) do pay for our tuition fee etc. but the real reason behind is ,by doing this and pampering us with money ,they buy us and make us their obedient dogs. They at the core are extremely evil. And all of this is done, so we will get married in our own caste ( inter-caste marriage cases in upper caste, marrying a lower caste is a BIG NO), so Indian parents do all this to keep their status in the caste society.

I thank Ambedkar who wrote the Indian constitution; he was the first Indian who provided a document to give equal human rights to women, low castes etc. And this is the reason he is hated by upper caste Hindus. India is a Khap country in itself. I can guarantee that there would be hardly 1% of the people who are commenting on your article who would be willing to get their brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, married to someone outside their Castes. I can guarantee that. And as for me, I have told my family from the beginning that I will never get married. All married Indians look depressed and unhappy to me. Till this date every Indian is just silently biased towards me. Hindus at core are superstitious, conservative, orthodox, and stupid. They have a Mob Mentality; they are terrified at the thought of doing anything independently. Even Independence was given to them by BAPU, who took them kicking and screaming and trying to knock sense into them, but they finally bumped him off, yes it took a stupid, religious fanatic, and idiotic Indian to Kill Bapu. That is an Indian. Indians like to talk about others and comment but have a separate rule book for themselves.

Treatment of women is just a blunt, naked, crude, brutal and shameless reflection of the Indian masses who are Racist Pigs.

I have decided to stay unmarried even before teenage, I am 25 now but, I know that Indian people won’t let me live in peace.So after completing my B.E I left India and came to Canada for higher studies. To my surprise, I met Indians here and it’s the same story. They keep their sexually repressive and conservative tradition with them here as well. I am sick of this pathetic Indian culture.
I had a relationship with a neighbor girl but she was from another caste.So when she came into college she got afraid and broke up with me.I proposed a girl in my college, she liked me but as her caste was different and she refused; because her parents won’t allow her to marry me.
Since then I have built up a hatred for Indian girls. In my world they do not exist, they are not individuals, they are like a herd of sheep. I am so happy that I am in Canada, at least you can talk to a girl (East Asians, African-Americans and Americans) who have a personality , you can date them, they don’t give you a rape warning or a marriage ultimatum like Indian women.

After completing my studies I got a good job. There are some Indian women here I know who are still unmarried (college students and above 25), they see a good slave and a good provider in me and try to lure me into having a relationship with them, I can’t say F***OFF on their faces but I know what they want, they want a good earning slave.To avoid them, I keep a low profile. I try my best to ignore Indian women all the time.

Being an Indian, I like Indian women the most, but our social, religious and caste system is so f***d up that as a man you don’t even want to try. An Indian male (like an Indian female) have to live a sexless life in his teens and college years and his only way to get some sexual pleasure is marriage. Such a bullsh*t evil society we have. I have a question, do Indian women know there is a thing called sex, or are they just sexless creatures?

If you talk to an Indian woman she only thinks you just want to have sex with her. Young Indian women are taught by their mothers that men are sex crazy dogs and you have to withhold sex and they will act like an obedient dogs to get sex.That’s exactly how Indian women see men.I swear I was extremely surprised when I talked to women from other races and nationalities, they were so respectful, friendly, open-minded and they did not treat me like I am a sexually pervert animal.
However after reading your blog I have come to the conclusion that, it’s the society, religion and caste system that makes Indian women the way they are .So I have changed my status to “I hate Indian women” to ” I am indifferent to Indian women “. They just don’t exist in my world (and in my Indian friends world) .We want to be with Indian women but their mind is so brainwashed and controlled by their parents, society, religion. Stupid traditions and caste that we don’t even try .Only they can break the chains of slavery , and they must stop being obedient cows of their parents, if your parents don’t respect your free choice they should go to hell. But are Indian women ready to take the responsibility into their hands???

In Indian society, caste is respected and not individuals.
Caste=group=mob mentality. Lack of individuality; it’s so deep-rooted in Indian culture that even NRIs are terrified when some other guy try to do something different like, dating other races, trying to have non-Indian friends, buying a different type of car (sports, coupé), buying an expensive liquor, buying expensive stuff, taking a cab, buying organic food, having roommates who are from different nationalities etc.
As far as Indian women are concerned , no angels from the skies are coming to help them, to hell with those emotionally torturing parents, until new generation does not challenge their parents (like I did) nothing is going to change.
That’s the question, are Indian women ready to challenge their own parents, caste system, stupid male dominated religions and rituals etc. Are they ready to take responsibilities into their hands?? are they ready to think and act as a group (women of India ) instead of being from upper-lower caste women ??”
(Sorry for such a long post… and yeah it does not matter if you are a man or woman, our society don’t let us and our parents live peacefully, when are you going to get married ??apke ladke ki shaadi nahi hui ?? SIGH).

Thank god I don’t live in a psychopath society like India, and here in Canada I avoid Indian families and Indian girls , sorry no disrespect to Indian woman but they are just looking for marriage on the other hand I just want to live my life freely and I make a good economical slave. (And sex is not a bad thing, thankfully unlike Indian and Muslim women rest of the womankind of this planet do enjoy sex just for the sake of having & enjoying it with no secret plans in their minds to trap a man)

Anyway have a good day,
‘S’

Related Read

Why have I not got married?

Rational Views on Casteism,Indian Women and Parents