Respire

She ran as fast as she could. The pain burned her body and soul. She wanted to look back, but fear stopped her. She saw a fleck of light at the end of the road. She could hear the noise of the metal wheels. She ran faster. The darkness ahead of her way comforted her but she still yearned to reach the light at the fag end of her road of hope. The metal wheels shrieked and suddenly a bright light made her blind. The night refused to end.

Her soul respired, her body knitted and her heart ached. Her blurry eyes saw his teary eyes. She could see his smile between the smelly tears. The salty kiss made her realize that she was alive because he was her destination, he was the gospel truth of her existence and he was her man.

Their love wiped the slate clean and when she looked out of the window the Sun was already up and shining in their life.

 

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Worries of an Indian Boy – Question No.3

Continued from here,the third question asked in the survey was

do you think it is easy for Indian men to marry the woman of their choice?

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Top eight responses are below

Majority of people in India still believe in caste system. Exogamous marriages are still taboo for majority of India. Usually the focus of the cyber space is only on the urban middle class, that is why this question arises in the first place. If we look at India as  a whole it’s clear that love marriages outside one’s caste are rare. The answer is NO – Aravind Vivekanandan 

This is more than a yes or no question as it depends on

a. Whether the man looks at marriage as a mandate in his life

b. Whether the man has the potential to pick a woman to spend his life with, forever

c. Whether the man has the patience and clarity in explaining his parents his stance or run out of his family construct and live his own way. – Charan Saravana 

No – first of all “that woman” has to agree then her parents have to agree or if not that woman has to be brave enough to resist parents wish and stick to marrying us without changing mind and listening to her parents choice and this is independent of the pressures and fights in convincing the man’s family and justifying the choice to everyone around who keep asking “but why? why?” – Name Withheld

It is a bit easy when it is compared to Indian women. But still, there are lot of obstacles faced by both men and women in this particular issue. The parents think that their right to chose the partner for their son/daughter is robbed and it is not easy for both men and women. The emotional blackmail, the suicide threats and things like that are same. But since most of the men do not react openly to this and drain their reaction in smoking or drinking, these threats becomes void. Men have a support system called friends, while the parents block that for the girl while forcing them for marriage – Bragadeesh Prasanna

It all depend on the individual. You are free to live your life the way you feel, if you let society oppress you they will. If you fight back and do things you like basically be a jerk to society. they will try harder to please you. The bigger problem in India is its difficult to find a woman you want to be. You can’t “know” a person for a while to decide to marry them. – Name Withheld

Imagine shopping in a supermarket with your parents and relatives. You may look at any product you want and may convince your parents and relatives to some extent about your liking for a certain product. But ultimately it is a group decision. You as a customer may get a few advantages but not much.
Sorry to compare women to products. I meant no disrespect. And most arranged marriages are a result of mutual discussions but with regard to choices men may have a greater say because they are usually the “initiators” – Name Withheld

no, it is not! Because the families have beliefs about the family in which the son should marry.
These beliefs are mostly different to the person which the son loves – Joe Di

No, it is hard for the most part is first finding a women. Yes a women
not a girl.
Next she must share your personal, social and human values.
Next she must feel the same way about you.
Next comes caste bigotry
After that religious bigotry
Later comes social status bigotry
… lets just say bigotry.
Easier way is, I read women are for sale for wifely services for as
low as 70,000 maybe putting an emi on it will be a good idea. – Name withheld

*I hope I haven’t messed up with the names and permissions granted.If yes,please let me know immediately.

Worries of an Indian Boy – Question No.2

Continued from here,the second question asked in the survey was

Do you think Indian men get pressure from the family to get married?

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Top five responses are below

Yes of course.More than from the family, the pressure is from society, from relatives and surprisingly ,at least in my case,from friends – who have married before me.They keep telling me how much better life is after marriage and advising me to do it- marry anyone/someone as early as possible  –Name withheld

Yes and No. It depends on their family and themselves. Some family wants their son to get married as early as possible. There are various reasons for it – to get quick money in the form of dowry, sometimes to get someone into their son’s life so that he becomes more responsible.Some men pressure their family to get them married soon – because they are already high earners in their job and they think they are ready to settle in life.Some others simply want to marry soon just for free sexual pleasure. – Joshi Mukard

Yes. simple answer is “because it’s India”. This is a country where we value family much more than probably any other country. Since Indian culture is adopting western culture so blindly, new generation or liberal families may accept a son’s interest. But I feel a lot of population in the country is still somewhat sticking with tradition, hence the pressure.   – Kizhakkepurakkal Ashwin

Yes, men are pressurized by their family to get married – it is the notion that our parents want to see us married and believe that they have completed their duties as per Shastras and can now live in peace going to some holy pilgrimage or the other! – Mahesh Lakshmanan

Of course we do. Love marriage is still a taboo in India and your parents are not going to find you a girl when you are 30. It’s best for them to start early so that they have time to get you “fixed”. Again stupid society pressure such as what will people think of me and frankly I don’t think Indian men feel that they can ever get a girl on their own.That’s why we rely on our parents to find someone for us – Name withheld

*I hope I haven’t messed up with the names and permissions granted.If yes,please let me know immediately.

 

Solitary Walkers

Despite the geographical and cultural differences, the world hates changes. A history would be created if the world had ever encouraged anybody who has tried to deviate from the traditional, usual and tried out path. But, the interesting fact is that the ones who succeed in the end are always unbelievably praised, incredibly worshiped and gloriously thrown in air by the world.

Why does the world NEVER encourage people to go off the track and try to experience something new?

“Why you are not like other girls?” was the most common question which I have faced in my life. I would end up giving a blank stare to everyone who fired away this question. Let me not gender bias this issue.But, it is the same with boys/men too. If all the kids in a particular area play cricket, and if there is only one kid in love with tennis then, the family, relatives and everyone around him would make him know the brunt of being different from others.

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Similar approach but terribly nasty handling happens if the off the track happens in studies or marriage; especially love marriages. An old man whom I met at the airport told me that he was a farmer. A farmer in the airport? My jaw dropped. Then I thought he was an owner of the farm-house. But NO! He was cultivating wheat and corn. He literally sank in the flood of my questions. He was an engineer who passed out with a 1st class but after wasting 10 years of his life doing jobs which he disliked, he moved to farming. Nobody supported him. But today his biography is a blockbuster hit in his hometown. After saying goodbye to him, I could imagine the scenes in his house which he must have undergone during his off the track decision period.Curses, teasing, emotional blackmail, the black mole who spoiling family’s pride and honor, blaming to be a fool and many more.
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Why? Why does the world refuse to give a helping hand when someone wants to see and feel a different life?

A Request to the happy faces

Most of my posts arise as the after effects of discussions or chats with my friends.So here is another one.

One of my old friends caught me online and we had to tell nearly stories of 10 years to keep both of us updated till the present about each other.

After a couple of weeks,I came to know that she has done a serious online investigation about me.She knew about every blog post of mine and almost every comment I had posted in other’s blogs.I was quite happy about it and I thanked her.But little did I know then,that we were falling into such a deep pit of arguments.

According to her,there is nothing called abuse,marital fights or dowry deaths.She is newly married and just completed the honeymoon phase,so I brushed her comments aside.Since she is the only child,I thought may be she was brought up in a dream world.

When she told me that abuse,dowry deaths,divorce and rape are happening ENTIRELY because of women’s fault,I became irritated.But when she told that some of the most respected women bloggers were writing just some pile of feminist s**t,I just couldn’t control my fury.I know a lot of women bloggers who blog only to get peace of mind.There are some women bloggers with whom I share an emotional bonding after knowing their story.

She told that her in-laws are better than her parents and her husband is the best guy of india.I am happy for her because very rarely we get such a life after marriage.But just because her life is happy doesn’t mean that she has to belittle other’s suffering life.

Most of the times,having a wonderful married life is pure luck.It is a gamble.Even today,in India love marriages are not as common as arranged marriages.Also not necessary that all love marriages will work perfect.

Here is the answer for her blames.

Lets call her Sathi.She is my travel friend.We commute together for an hour almost daily.She got divorced two months back.She is working in the IT industry and her husband(ex-husband) too.Her marriage was an arranged one.Both of them looked like made for each other couple.But I used to see her with swollen red cheeks and puffed eyes at times.But then we were not close enough to discuss such matters.Later when she told me I couldn’t digest.I felt sick in my stomach.Her husband doesn’t like if she sits idle for sometime.If she got no house hold work then he will make her press his feet.He gets angry if she is watching TV or reading magazines.But the real problem was not any of these.He had Sadomasochism. Being beaten up black and blue during sex made her like a zombie.She tried taking him to a sexologist,but he refused and the atmosphere at home only worsened.Before completing one year of marriage,she moved out.When her parents enquired his parents,they refused to admit it.Of course,they were ignorant about it.Have you ever heard,in India parents asking the boy before thinking about his marriage whether he got any sexual disorders?

Now tell me where did she go wrong?

In India,we don’t sleep with the guy before marriage to know these kind disorders.The astrologer declared a 8/10 compatibility for the couple.Their families were perfect and their jobs too.Within 3 months time before marriage,how much can a couple know each other?

I am not putting the blame completely on the guy.Even he could be unaware of his disorder.Most of the people don’t sleep around before marriage like in West.

Now this is a request to all the women including myself having a wonderful life.

We were lucky enough to get a heavenly married life.That doesn’t mean that we have to make fun of the ones who are suffering.Most of them suffer in marriage mainly because of tough luck fate,lack of assertiveness,ignorance of the issue and void choices.So lets give them a helping hand.

In between my 9 hours job,I try my best to help the suffering ones by talking to them and giving them a warm smile.During my commute I come across a lot of women from various social strata.Some sell fruits,some others with flowers or pen.Have you ever tried knowing their lifestyle or the difficulties they face to make a living?

Two weeks back,while travelling back home,the police guard at the ladies compartment was shouting at a 17-year-old girl.Luckly two old women realized that he is shouting at her just to divert our attention.While shouting at the girl,only God and that girl know where all he inserted his hands.We made him get out of the compartment and talked to the girl.She was expressionless.She told us it was a usual thing.If she protests,then next day he may charge some petty case on her.So imagine while she is selling fragrant jasmine flowers in the train to make a living,how much abuse she has to undergo in a day.

Our life is good,so thank the Almighty for it but never belittle the suffered ones because we never know,our life can also mess up.We never know!!

I am not old

Very lately I watched an advertisement on the TV.

It shows a conversation between two women.

Woman 1 : I will be 30 years old next month.See I look old.

Woman 2 (showing a magazine cover page where it has written Youngest CEO at 30) : See!!!men are young at the age of 30.But women are old and dull when they are 30.

Rest of it is how woman 1 becomes younger and prettier after using that particular cream/lotion.

I am not explaining that part because I am not concerned about it.

What bothers me is this quote.

“Men are young at 30 and women are old and dull at the same age.”

I don’t know how to react on this topic.

If the world is considering women as OLD at the age of 30,then there should reasons for it.

I have always heard the conversation below a thousand times in my life.It irritates me more than anything else.

X:Is that old woman teaching you that subject?
Y:Yeah,she is 33 years old
A:Your english teacher look so young.
He looks like a college going guy.
B:He is just 35.Still young.

I feel that 80% of the mistakes are with us, women, and 15% of the mistakes with the society and the rest 5% of the mistakes with the husband and family members.

To-Do for Women

    • Put your health first.Please don’t follow the “Bharatiya Nari”(Indian Woman) rules and regulations which say that women should have food only after feeding the family.Try to take in protein drinks and chavanprash daily because you are running the family.Make sure you are not skipping the meals.
    • Stop thinking that you are old just because you got married.Also don’t stop taking care of your skin and body because you got your partner.You can do your skin care if you make it as a habit.While working in the kitchen,apply some honey or yoghurt and then continue with the work.Make sure you use turmeric at least twice a day.Apply some facial while doing the household.Trust me!!!you can do it because I do so daily.
    • Never go to beauty parlour unless you need to thread your eye brows or you need to have a hair cut.Your kitchen itself has everything you need to stay young.While cutting tomatoes or potatoes or carrot,apply it on your face and neck too.It wil take only less than 40 seconds to do so.Some of my friends running beauty parlours warned me saying that if we do facial for a prolonged time,our skin will look good only if we again apply those chemicals.Once we stop it or miss it,skin will start wrinkling.(Kindly don’t file a case against me 🙂 )
    • Don’t give up your hobbies.Running a house doesn’t mean that you have to give up all your needs and personal time.
    • Read comics regularly.I know this sounds crazy.But it is worth doing it.It will help you stay young at heart.Fall back to your childhood.Don’t lose the power of imagination.More over you get to know what your kids are reading too.Discussing stories and characters with them will only make them happy.
    • Include your family members while doing household work.Most of us think that let him read the newspaper or let the kids watch T.V.Instead if you include them too for cleaning the house or preparing some dishes,it will increase the bonding among the family memebers.Also if one day you fall sick,they know how to take our the house.
    • Don’t pamper your husband and kids too much.Doing everything for them will only spoil things.It is not necessary that you have to serve the breakfast for them.Instead let them serve and have it for themselves.Don’t imitate what you see in movies like holding the towel and waiting for the husband to come out of the shower.Then making him dress up.He is s grown up guy,let him do his things independetly.If his mom has spoiled him that way,it is your duty to change it.
    • When talking about change,don’t let your family know that you planning to make some changes in the daily routine.Instead implement the change without their notcie.I bet you that they will never realize that change unless you tell them.
    • Don’t expect your husband to read your mind and know your difficulties.Always be open and truthful to both your husband and kids.If you are not well,just let them know.Doing a bad cooking risking your health and then being sad by hearing the comments from him is not worth.
    • Keep up good friendships.Always be in a friends circle where you can talk without any ego or embarrassment.
    • Keeping a full-time maid will only make you lazy and you will put on weight.Instead you can find out solutions for the works you have at home.You can give your clothes for pressing at the near by shop.Get a washing machine,if at financial crisis,get a semi automatic one.It will save a lot of your energy.
    • Don’t say NO to sex.Also don’t keep it as a weekend activity.Even if you are dead tired end of the day,sex can do wonders in your body.The love and romance between you and husband will make you stay young forever. 😉 😉

 

To-do for the Society

 

A woman is getting married after a lot of pressure and tensions.If it is a love marriage,then pre marriage and post marriage tensions are really high.The expectations and responsibilities on her shoulder will be more than the arranged marriages.When she is running around the day to keep the family running,don’t fume her with the following questions.

  • What happened?Still not planning to have a kid?
  • Does your husband have some problem?Or are you having some problem?Go to a gynaecologist.
  • You look very old and dull.Do you have some problems with your husband?
  • Not planning for a second kid?Did you stop delivery?(Phew!!!)
  • Why is your hair that way?why is your skin this way?
  • Your belly is looking terrible.

To-Do for husbands and kids.

 

  • She is also a human being.Even she will forget things at times.While trying to do so many works a day,it is usual for a woman to forget some of the matters.
  • She is your wife and not a personal secretary.Take care of your professional matters.When she got her own professional priorities and family priorities,she may fail at times.
  • A working woman is like a pressure cooker in the morning.Don’t add more pressure to her by asking to serve you or dress you up.
  • Forgive her little mistakes and blunders which she makes in a hurry and tension.
  • End of the day,love her and pamper her.Make sure you take out all the tensions from her.You can see your wife young and more and more and more beautiful day by day.

Note : The above mentioned tips help you only if you are not staying with your in-laws or not staying in a joint family.I am sorry that I don’t know how to help those souls.