Hopes Amidst the Ocean of Misogyny

It has been exactly 54 days since one of the Malayalam actresses was kidnapped and harassed by her driver and the gang. It did create an uproar both in social media and in daily lives. The culprit was arrested and the Police were in search of his mobile phone for video clip and call details.The police have been searching in the dark for quite a few weeks for the mobile phone and now, the case has reached nowhere. I am hoping that the culprits are punished and this case will not end up like the Soumya murder case and the Jisha murder case.

During the week when the incident had happened, there were a lot of discussions and debate happening online and offline. I remember during the Nirbhaya gang rape, victim shaming soared high and it was heartbreaking to see people known to me made jokes out of the incident, made misogynistic comments without any shame and blamed the girl for her misery.

But, things were different this time.

Yes, of course, there were people who wrote articles and opinions for their sadistic pleasure, but they were a minority this time. Ordinary people reacted in amazing ways that, finally, people understood what misogyny is. Earlier, the most difficult task for me was to make people understand what misogyny is.They never understood it.They blamed me that it was my problem because I see things through a feminist’s eyes.

I am not being blind-eyed to various other heinous incidents happening around us, especially the child molestation cases which are roaring high in Kerala.But, there is hope in front of me because

  1. The actress showed the courage to file a complaint.
  2. People were ready to accept that there have been misogyny in our daily conversations, the jokes we share, the movies we make and the way we were brought up.
  3. People are lashing out when they witness sexism around them.
  4. More cases are being filed recently and people are raising their voices against abuse.

Let’s talk further about sexism. Is raising our voice the solution? Will it beat sexism?Will it curb abuse? Will it help us in creating a generation which has a positive outlook on gender equality?

It starts young. It starts at home and school. It starts from that

  1. Pre-school teacher who shouts,”Why can’t you give the toy to him?You are a girl.Don’t be so adamant”.(It gives a feeling to the girl that she doesn’t have the right to fight/argue.)

  2. Custom of making a boy as captain/class leader and a girl as vice captain/assistant class leader irrespective of the leadership skills.(It gives a feeling to the boy that because of his gender, he can always enjoy certain positions even if he doesn’t possess the required skills.)

  3. Grandparents/parents who tell that it’s good if the boy learns the driving and the girl learns cooking.(It gives a feeling to the kids that there are certain skills associated with the gender.)

  4. Parents who tell their daughter that there is nothing wrong in giving up a fight/quarrel/game with her brother.(It gives a feeling to the boy that he is superior to girls and expects them to accept the defeat every time.)

  5. Society which teaches that moral shaming is the easiest way to silence a girl.

  6. Parents who lament that they don’t have a son to protect their daughters.(It gives a feeling to the boy that he is a protector or somebody who has more decisive power in the family.)

  7. Teachers/parents who silence the girls when an abuse happens at school.(It gives a feeling to the boys that they can always escape after doing a mistake because girls will not complain.It is a big encouragement for the boys to repeat the abuse.)

  8. Schools which run counseling sessions for girls and not for boys.(It gives a feeling to the girls that the harm is always on the girls irrespective of who did the mistake.It gives a feeling to the boys that they can do anything and it is the responsibility of the girls to take care of themselves.)

  9. Society which conveniently defends saying boys will be boys. (It gives a feeling to the boys that their gender gives them certain privileges to do certain mistakes.)

  10. Society which preaches that boys are the strongest of the genders.(Boys grow up with more confidence than the girls.)

This is not an exhaustive list and if we look deep, we will be able to find strong misogyny in the silliest matters we have been doing and talking in our lives.Now that people have been welcoming gender equality,let’s continue spreading the message of equality,let’s continue raising our voice against sexism and let’s continue the mission of creating a better society to live in.

We, the current generation parents, can bring a massive change in our society if we raise our kids right.I am hopeful about a brighter, happier and healthier generation which will appreciate and practice gender equality.I hope to see a day when feminism is not a bad word anymore.

 

Related Reads :

https://heyithinkthisway.wordpress.com/2013/01/08/what-i-feel-now-is/

https://heyithinkthisway.wordpress.com/2014/06/20/10-valuable-lessons-malayalam-cinema-teaches-men-and-women/

https://heyithinkthisway.wordpress.com/2013/10/18/worries-of-an-indian-girl/

 

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A True Friend Stabs You In The Front

Sometimes my Mom tells me,it is better that we meet some bad people in the beginning of our lives;so that later we are aware of those smiling devils.

After a span of four years I thought about the downfall times of my life when I saw my kiddo friend Nikhil’s Facebook status,which read like ” A True Friend Stabs You In The Front“.

As I had a lonely weekend,I watched ‘3 Idiots’ before going to sleep.Though it is impossible to have filmy friendships in life,I was thinking why I have only a couple of friends from my college.College is a place where we get the friends for lifetime.But what went wrong in my life?Actually it was not my life which went wrong,it’s just that I met the wrong people in my life.

My school friends are still with me for more than a decade.But I am glad that the handpicked friends which I got from the college are worth than having a 100 friends.

Before coming to the college,I was not aware of lying,cheating,sweet talks and back-bitching.Back in school and at home,every relationship was transparent.If we were angry with somebody,we showed the anger.If we were upset due to somebody’s action,we always went up to that person and shouted at them.A few tears and a hug used to the solve the problems between us.Confessing and apologizing were good habits in a relationship.Due to these habits,our friendships were immortal.The fights and misunderstandings only made us feel closer to each other.

When in college,like a fool I believed everybody who talked sweetly to me.For the first time I realized that there is something called “making someone do your work”. People appreciated or encouraged others not because  the latter are good at it,they just wanted to get their work done.Ignorance was considered as a sin unlike the quote ‘ignorance is a bliss‘. There was an unhealthy race among the students and people flattered each other rather than encouraging.There were situations when people talked good about a person and then curse them secretly.

Sweet talks were made to get things done.People lied looking to our eyes which I understood as truths.Egos were ample that apologizing and confessing were seen as timid actions.Taking revenges were fun as if they had training on it before joining the college.People broke up with their partners when they find a better pasture.People lied often and at times it was difficult to make out whether what they talked was true or not.Friendships were more of comfortable zones than relationships.

There was a time when I had a dilemma on whom to trust.The funniest part is that whomever I loved and trusted gave me the biggest blows of my life.But God was kind to give me a few souls who stood with me during the down fall time and gave me the strength to come out of the failures.During my low times,people I “loved” were eager to end me as a “failure” of the millennium.There were times when I was not even sure that I will come out of the trauma of being cheated.

Once one of “sweet” friends whom I had considered as a sibling hugged me to wish me.But instead she just whispered to me that how much she hated me after hearing about one of my achievements.Two hours before when I had announced the good news to friends,it was she who had shouted the most with joy.At that moment I felt,it would have been better if she had actually stabbed me while hugging.It would have not hurt me that bad after hearing her words.

The biggest lesson I learned from my college was not the subject which I chose but how to judge people.Today I augur well even before they show me their dirty face.

And you know what I do?I just stab them in the front and then throw them out of my life.

I feel if I had not had those bitter lessons in my college life,I would have not been assertive.I would have just stood weak wondering how to move on in life.

No wonder God tells us that everything has a purpose in life.Thank God I met them early in my life and my bunch of friends love me as if I am their soul-mate.

Related Read :

Seasons of Friendship

Mujhse Dosti Karoge?

Is Hating Somebody a Bad Thing?