Tusi Great Ho!!!

I was lazy last night.Curled up inside the quilt before 10pm.I didn’t find anything interesting in the TV but still like majority of the people I changed the channels from 1 to 100.

Suddenly it happened.

POWER went off!!!

Two seconds back,I was happy,I had a smiling face and I was literally in the heaven of laziness.I shouted at myself and lighted the candles.

I started getting irritated.I took the quilt off me and sat on the couch.Phew!!I started sweating.

I tried looking at the candles to divert my irritation.Those candles were costly ones.The candle was fixed inside a glass chamber making the chamber half full.Bottom half of the chamber was filled with a gel which made artistic waves when mixed with the melted wax.

But I couldn’t enjoy the beauty of my cute candles as the mosquito queen ordered her fellows to do a free of cost rock concert at the door of my ears. 😦 😡 😡 😡

I heard the neighbors opening their doors to get some fresh air.The house owner was shouting at the electrician.We had a small family get together at the corridor with everybody complaining about the power problem.The people from the flat opposite to the road must have felt like a candle rally happening in my apartment.

After complaining for ten minutes,we got bored.We got back to our nut shells.I walked inside my house covering the bed rooms and kitchen around ten times,but my irritation only increased.

Then I tried playing songs.But mosquitos played a better songs.

It was 11.45pm.

I was getting terrible headache.I was angry,irritated and exhausted.I beat the cushions on the couch.

It was 11.50pm.

Nothing great happened.

It was 11.55pm.

Expected the electrician to do some miracle.I could hear my house owner shouting at him.So I realized that it is going to be a LONG night.

At last 12.00am.

Cling!!!

Power came.

I thanked Benjamin Franklin for discovering electricity.I thanked all the other big heads who invented and discovered many things for us.

Before going to bed,I prayed.

ELECTRICITY…..Tusi Great Ho!!! 🙂 🙂 😉 😀

5 Women I Like

The idea to write this post came in a jiffy when I woke up today.During the 15 minutes train journey I was trying to find out those 5 “lucky” women 🙂

My Mom is an awesome story teller.My brother and I grew up listening to stories which had she studied during her school and college days.During Sundays,both of us would listen to her stories and then fall asleep.

Rani Laxmi Bhai

I think during my school days,I got the guts to fight with boys and the talent to head a class or squad from Jhansi Ki Rani.The stories about her inspired me to be brave and assertive.So even when boys were not ready to take up a responsibility or do something daring,I was always there to make them embarrassed.. 😉 ;)Whenever the world says that “Don’t try it!!Only boys do these things”,it was a rage for me.I will make sure that people will say in the end that “Waah!!a girl did it..” 😀 😀

Kamala Surayya a.k.a Madhavikutty

During my teens,when I read about the explanation of a women’s desires and feelings I was overwhelmed with fascination and admiration.A woman need GUTS to openly tell the world about her sexual desires and dreams.Even when I write or talk about women issues which so many don’t dare to,I think Madhavikutty do influence me.

You should read her autobiography “Ente Katha” or “My Story” for sure.

Kajol

When complexion gives you a headache and then plants seeds of jealousy and depression,it was Kajol who came to rescue me.She taught me that fair skin and threaded eyebrows are not necessary for being beautiful.It is the cleanliness of your mind and your energy level that makes you look beautiful.

I had more proposals than my “fair-skin-lady” friends and guys do admit that they fell for my character and not my looks 😛 😛 😛

Oprah Gail Winfrey

When life and relationships started going out of my control,I learned to look down at my losses by comparing with what Oprah had to undergo.Even after suffering a lot during her childhood and teens,if she could make a place in this world,then why don’t I give a try?? 🙂

My MOM

There is nothing more that I can write about her because I am a part of my Mom.What I am today,Good or Bad,is because of her.

A Letter to Every Indian

One of my friends shared this.I felt that its thought-provoking.

Dr. Abdul Kalam’s Letter to Every Indian


Why is the media here so negative?
Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements?
We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success stories but we refuse to acknowledge them. Why?
We are the first in milk production.
We are number one in Remote sensing satellites.
We are the second largest producer of wheat.
We are the second largest producer of rice.
Look at Dr. Sudarshan , he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit.. There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.
I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck. But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert into an orchid and a granary. It was this inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news.
In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime.. Why are we so NEGATIVE? Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign T.Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology.
Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14-year-old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is.. She replied: I want to live in a developed India . For her, you and I will have to build this developed India . You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation.
..
YOU say that our government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.
YOU say that the phones don’t work, the railways are a joke. The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.
YOU say, say and say.. What do YOU do about it?
Take a person on his way to Singapore . Give him a name – ‘YOURS’. Give him a face – ‘YOURS’. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International best. In Singapore you don’t throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are.. You pay $5 (approx. Rs.. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity… In Singapore you don’t say anything, DO YOU? YOU wouldn’t dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai .. YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs..650) a month to, ‘see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else.’YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop, ‘Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so’s son. Take your two bucks and get lost.’ YOU wouldn’t chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand ..
Why don’t YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo ? Why don’t YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston ??? We are still talking of the same YOU. YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India ?
In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan ..
Will the Indian citizen do that here?’ He’s right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that give up all responsibility.
We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick a up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to give clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.
We want Indian Airlines and Air India to give the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity.
This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public.
When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing-room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? ‘It’s the system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons’ rights to a dowry.’ So who’s going to change the system?
What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away.
Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England . When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.
Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a great deal of introspection and pricks one’s conscience too….. I am echoing J. F. Kennedy’s words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians…..
‘ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIA AND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY’
Lets do what India needs from all of us.
Forward this mail to each Indian for a change instead of sending Jokes or junk mails.
Thank you,
Dr.. Abdul Kalam

Isn’t it high time to change?

Last week was a superb one.

Most of the times, I get “just” enough time to sit with my family. But this time, I thought I will visit my family folks for a change.

It was such a nice feeling to see many of my relatives after years. Most of them showered me with hugs and kisses. Some of them have not seen me for 10 years. It was like a celebration.

But even during such a happy moment, something pricked me very badly.

I visited one of my uncle’s houses. They welcomed me with lots of love and smile. Though I was hugging everyone and distributing toys and sweets to the kids, I felt that somebody is missing.Yeah!!My aunt (She is one of my favorite relatives ).I asked for her and my uncle told that I can’t meet her now.

I thought she was sick. I rushed into the bedroom and saw that the door is locked from outside.

She is having her period now. Don’t go inside or touch her.” said her mother-in-law

So who cooked the lunch? “, I asked.

“It was bought from outside as she is not allowed to enter the kitchen.” She replied.

I was fuming. In this 21st century, why do people have to follow this untouchability? But my aunt opened the door; we talked as if we were talking at the India – Pakistan border. While snacks were served to me, her mother-in-law brought some snacks and threw the bowl on to her bed like how we feed a dog in the kennel. Once the old woman went off I asked my aunt that why don’t she talk about this to uncle.

Even he is the same. I sleep in a different room for 7 days. I should wake up early to finish my bath so that my husband and mother-in-law don’t see me. It is considered as very inauspicious. They will keep my food at the door step of my room with water. If I walk through the verandah, then I will have to clean the way I walked. Already I will be too tired during these days, so why to do an extra work? So I sit in the room for a week.

I didn’t know how to console her. She told that she got used to this custom.

She feels bad when she is really sick with stomach ache or back pain and her husband doesn’t care about it as he cannot touch her for those 7 days.

I couldn’t digest what I saw and what I heard. During the return drive, I was thinking about it again and again.

If the husband is not well, will we ever put him in a room? We will try stay next to him so that our physical and emotional presence will soothe the illness. May be some men (women too) are not comfortable having sex during these time. That is personal comfort. But what is the need for putting a woman in another room and treating her like a pet animal?

I rushed to my Mom to tell about this matter when I got back home.My Mom is one sensible woman who takes the effort to see a lot thing very light and practical. Upon hearing the incident, she was telling even in her childhood it was the same. But since her elder brother was very educated, these kind practices were not followed. The actual intention behind this custom was that during olden days, it was the woman who does all the household work. During the time of period, it is usual to feel very weak and tired. So they were asked to take rest for that week and the food was provided for those 7 days. But later people changed this custom according to their wish telling that it’s inauspicious.

In one sense, yes!!!It will give rest to the woman.But again, isn’t it high time to change these beliefs and customs????

 

I hate being an Indian Woman

My eyes are watering and I am having a terrible headache.

I again looked at my laptop screen but I closed my Gmail web page without logging out. The e-mail which I read  seconds before burnt me completely,it squeezed my heart to sink and it made me yell and cry.

I had a very close senior friend to whom I have an elder sister affection.During my younger days,I used to wonder upon the way she handled huge responsibilities and I always had a stint of jealousy seeing her matured and sensible behaviour.

Though she is elder to me,we are very close enough to talk out anything.The terrible e-mail was from her.I could feel the pain in her but it’s too late.Below is an excerpt of her mail.

“…I am hating myself for being in such a situation now.Though my kid’s smile and his love are making me happy,those were not that I craved to have at the age of 26.I have always told you about my dream start-up right?Remember??I topped the school and college dreaming about my start-up and not to baby sit and cook.Of course I want a family in my life,but this was too early.My dreams are shattered.I fought with him about this and he asked why I need to do it when I have no time to breathe with household works and baby;also he is earning more.It is making me more frustrated.Before marriage he had promised me that I could go ahead with my plans.Now I have to ask permission to a 101 people if I need to sort out this and it will be a mess.I should have not heeded for the emotional drama of my parents.I should have just made them understand what I wanted in my life.But what to do?I remember my mom falling on my feet telling that if I don’t get married at 23 they will suicide out of embarrssment.Now I am in deep s**t.I can never get out of the present committments.It will either end up in a divorce or I will suicide.Is there any rule that Indian women should never have dreams??Malu,I am tired of crying,I am tired of fighting for my dreams..I don’t know what to do now.Sometimes I will feel that I should just leave everything and then come to India.Tell me..Tell me something…………

Why do this happen to Indian girls?Why do girls have to sacrifice their dreams?If we were born for it,why are we taught to dream high?

We slog as much as or at times more than the guys do.We top the schools and universities.We top the work and again at the age of 22-24 we are forced to leave our dreams for somebody who just came into the our life.

All we have is a life..Just ONE life.

If we don’t do things that we wanted during our one life,then when will we ever do so?Looks like the purpose of educating us and teaching us to aim high was to get married off without allowing us to do what we wanted in life.Then what was the need for spending/investing/wasting money on us?

According to the current trend,students join their colleges at age of 17/18 and they graduate at the age of 21/22.Some go for higher studies and some take up jobs.Lets take the people who work after their graduation.It will take at least two years for a normal human being to understand the industry and it will take time to decide whether to switch the job or to find out the field that he/she will be good at.The problem happens when guys always have the freedom to decide on their lives because they are just 24 and still young.But,at the age of 24,a girl is apparently old;of course for the wedding market(no wonder because when parents get their 18-year-old daughter married off,then 24 years is old for the wedding industry) and she is nagged to marry someone.Like any other human being,the girl will be confused about her career and dreams.May be she had plans to do a start-up or to study further or to switch jobs.But that normally doesn’t happen because of the emotional dramas and the endless phone calls from home.The post graduated people suffer even more because they take again two years to find out a right job.

After some years,we girls see guys who were not even half talented as we were fulfill their dreams with their hard work and determination while we end up sitting at home with two kids.Nobody will ever understand the pain in watching it in front of our eyes.

Is it a big mistake to think about having a financial security of our own before getting married?Is it a sin to be stubborn to talk about our dreams?

The problem is when parents expect us to do everything in the traditional way.They are happy and proud when we top school and college.But they show frowned faces and wrinkled foreheads the moment we tell them that we would like to post-graduate or work abroad.This mess is created by the society which makes crap rules.Parents are pressurized as the society creates nightmares for them if they don’t get their daughters married off at 23.The society cooks up stories about the girl not getting married by 23 and most of the parents are scared about this.Unless the younger generation tries hard to make a change,our daughters are going to have a tough time ahead.

I will not say that its everybody’s case,there are some rare lucky souls who gets a supportive husband and understanding in-laws.But that’s just .01% or even less.

At times I hate myself after hearing and seeing these issues..I don’t hate being a woman..and I don’t hate being an Indian.Though I am a proud Indian,I have no other choice but, to say that I hate being an Indian woman.

Irresponsible??Spoiled??

AS YOU SOW, SO SHALL YOU REAP

Certain articles make us ponder for hours.Last evening,I came across such an article in one of the Malayalam Women’s publications.

The article talked about how a couple lost their kid.They had bought everything their kids asked for.They had showered their kids,especially their son,with love and care.The parents had always praised the kids to make them feel great.They had never punished the kids.The parents had never let the kids know what misery and trouble were.

One day their son,who was a 3rd standard student,had beaten up a classmate and the teacher punished him.The fight was over his father’s income.He came home and told his mom about it but didn’t cry over the punishment.But he overheard the truth for which he fought for during mom’s “kids praising” session to the neighbors.She proudly told others how much her son loves his Dad.When friends teased him for lying that his dad is a big shot guy,he fought with them.But the truth was that he never knew that his Dad was working as an electrician.The son had no clue what his father’s job was like.He always thought that they were rich enough.But when he overheard from his mom that his dad bought most of the toys in debt,he sank.His mom took the above act as a token of love the Dad had for the kids.The son couldn’t bear the embarrassment.He couldn’t believe that all he had talked to his friends were just an illusion.He killed himself hanging in a rope.Now the parents are in an ocean of tears and in a pitch of depression after losing their son.They gave their son everything he wished for but still they lost him,that too at an early age.

The cause lies where they “gave everything” to their kids.

I have seen most of the parents think that their kids should never have any troubles or tensions.It is normal to wish that the kids should have a better life than the parents had during their young days.But when these thoughts become an obsession,it will take your kids to a place they bear no troubles at all.

R.I.P.

Most of the problems happen when the parents never let their kids know about their job,their income,their friends’ circle,their past,their school and college days and more importantly their financials.

My parents always used to take my brother and me to their offices.We will be advised to sit at the corner and watch them work or read a book.So at the age of 8 or 9 itself we knew where and how they worked.Also we knew the correct meaning when our parents tell us that they are busy at office because we have seen by ourselves.So we became sensible enough not to disturb them with calls during office hours.

Though there were maids at home,it was usual that Mom make us go to the near by shop to buy vegetables and household items.Even when some of her friends boast saying that their kids know nothing about the money matter,she always used to reply them with a naughty smile.I remember our monthly shopping at the Triveni departmental store at S.M.Street,Calicut.After coming back from the shopping,they would make us write accounts for the day.They would say that my handwriting is good and my brother is good at using calculator.So writing of accounts became a routine at home and we used to have fun during these session telling about people that we saw during shopping or about some incidents that happened at work or school.So we knew the price of everything that we bought at home.We knew how much our parents could afford in a month.

Later,they taught us what a salary slip is.They taught us about the income they earn and the other family committments.So by the time we reached our teens,we were obviously aware of the financial issues at home.We knew how much our parents earned and we were sensible about what to ask for.

There was a transparency among us.We knew about their hikes and promotions and they knew our teachers,friends and of course our marks.We knew that during the month of March parents have to pay tax,so it is difficult to spend too much on that month and they knew our favorite teachers and friends.As we four had a good rapport with each other,it was easy to understand when our parents said a NO for any matter.

My parents never had the ego to tell us when they had a bad day at office,so we also learnt to tell them when we got punishment at school or if we had any fights with friends.So that made us support each other during bad times.The one hour talk during dinner time was a to tell about our whole day and to get relieved before sleep.

I feel great about my parents now.

Today,I see a lot of my friends who have no clue about what their family income was or how much debt/loan their parents had.Some people don’t even have an idea what their dad’s designation was.They are ignorant about their parents’ job.Most of the parents hide their salary and designation from the kids and tell them that they are big shot at office.They refuse to take them to show their work because at home they must have told like “office is huge“,”I have a cubicle of my own“,”everybody wishes me when I come in to office“…

Why do parents do this?If you feed the kid with false and fancy descriptions about work and financials,the respect they have for you will go the moment they know the truth.Instead tell them about yourself,your school and college days,your friends,your work,problems in family etc.I have friends who don’t even know where their parents had studied.Some are completely ignorant what their parents’ educational qualifications are.

Sigh!!

So if your child is irresponsible or emotionally weak or not confident or cannot take risks or decisions, you are the reason for it.Rather than pampering them with money,you let them live through your tensions but share your happiness too.Rather than buying things for debt,give them what you can afford and make them understand how difficult it was for you to earn such a small amount.Kids will surely value it.Celebrate your small achievements with your family.It is not necessary to go for a tour to have fun with family.You can do household works with your family.In my home,we used play a game “cleanest room”.To win the game,we used to clean nook and corner of our room so that our room is cleaner than parents’ room.Though we were cleaning our house,we do so as fun and that builds the family bonding.:) ;)So instead of pushing the kids for studying and tuitions round the clock,spend time with them.If you think that the money you spend for them is love,then kids will consider you as an ATM. 😛 😛

Let your kid know that you are a SENSIBLE parent than a super parent.

You and I are Indians

These days,I feel irritated when I watch news channels or when I read the newspapers.

My concern is about the common people.My worry is about the unnecessary loops of issues that they get into when they try to live their life to the fullest.The invisible inhibitions and constraints surrounding the common people make me mad at the news.I feel suffocated when I  think about the limitations that an average person have in his life and make me punch on my table with anger.

We all know about the juicy and celebrated wedding of the year;the wedding of Sania and Shoiab.There were too many protests in many parts of India but they got married happily.The protests dissolved in air after the wedding because both of them are famous personalities.Suppose,an ordinary girl wished to marry a Pakistani guy,then the people who protested for the aforementioned wedding must have killed the girl.All that could have happened was breaking news in the TV channels, a press conference by the protesters saying that they suspected the girl to have links with the terrorists and a column of news in the newspaper next day.The END!!!

Inter religion weddings and conversion of religion happen in the movie industry and politics without much hassles.They change their religion when they wish to or when they have to get a political party benefit or when they have to get a husband/wife.

But again common people don’t have the freedom for it.The 7 fundamental rights of an Indian is still in the Constitution book,unused by 99% of the Indians.90% people don’t even know the basic rights that they own by law.They consider it as a chapter in the 7th std Civics textbook.

So what are you waiting for??

Go…utilize your Rights..Constitution is written for Indians and Indians do include you and me and not just celebrities 😀

Mixed feelings

Going home during weekends is rare and meeting my old school mates is the rarest.I have a habit of looking around each and everything on my way from the railway station to home as I see Calicut only once in 10 months or once in a year.Although I distract my Mom’s driving,I still love it. I like telling Mom comments such as “oh!!this shop was not here when I came home last time”,”Phew!!why is this road one-way now??”.

But during one of those accidental visits to my home,I saw one of my 12th std classmates.She was on the other side of the road waiting for the bus.Although she is two days younger than me(I remember her DOB as we were the only two Aquarians in the class),she looked like a woman in late twenties.Her saree was carelessly worn and her head covered with black hijab. Even though I saw her only for seconds, I could read a lot from her face.

She was not a close friend of mine but, I used to know about her as some of my friends were close to her.She got married right after the 12th std boards.I used to see her tensed during the pre-boards exam time,but we all were in tension at that time which never made us think about something like getting married.Some of my friends had gone for her wedding and in my 1st year of college I heard the news that she had a baby girl.Lets hope that she is happy in her life..

But what makes me ponder for the rest of my drive to home was a comparison about the feelings.After 12th std,the one and only thought I had was about admissions in IIT/NIT and entrance examinations.But at that time she was getting married to guy 10 years elder to her and taking the responsibility of a house.When I was getting tensed about the passing my semester exams,she must be getting tensed about delivering her baby.When I was dreaming about job,she must be struggling to look after her kids.Today when I work and have fun around,I see her in 35-year-old looks,having dark circles which shows her tension and struggles in life..

I was trying to get inside her shoes and think for a while and I almost collapsed.

It is not her mistake;actually it is nobody’s mistake.I am having a mixed feelings about it as I don’t know whom to blame.