When Pain smiles at You

Nobody looked at me. Tears flowed over my cheeks while I walked. I folded and held my hands close as if hugging myself. I badly needed a hug. My heart burned inside me. The early morning rays of Sun burned my already embarrassed skin. The pain ate me like a hungry lion. My inner soul was disintegrating and I could only helplessly watch. I walked and walked more. People commented me, some others ignored me and few others rolled eyes at me. In three days, I had gone so weak that even walking against the wind seemed difficult. My eyes pleaded me to stop crying but the only relief from the pain was to cry. I supported myself against a tree and vomited. Brown acidic fluids came out of my mouth and I fell down. The lady sitting in front of the auto stand with flowers ran towards me. The innate ego didn’t come out and I let her lift me. My eyes looked anemic and my mouth dried up when I tried to talk.

The lady looked at me and I understood her confusion. She found it difficult to ask such a question to a girl in denim blue jeans and an expensive sleeveless cotton shirt, which reminded me that I haven’t eaten for past three days. How could I eat something? The pain choked me every second. Tears made food salty. My inner system had called off for a strike that I threw up everything that I ate. I gave up. I wasn’t thirsty so didn’t drink water too. The lady put me in an auto and told the driver not to charge me. How did she understand that I have no penny with me? The apartment stairs looked never ending and I finally reached my door. The smell in the room suffocated me. A shattered cell phone blinked at me and white face tissues spread moldier smell in the room. The curtains laid on the floor and the chairs laid upside down.

My sleep deprived eyes again flooded and I wiped them with my mucous smelled shirt – collar. I lay down on the couch but I couldn’t. The pain was too much to handle. I touched my left side of the chest to find out whether I can cure heart ache by a light massage. Every time I tried to lay down, the pain suffocated me and I sat in the darkness thinking what to do next. The room is dark. The soul is dark. The life ahead is dark.

Tears flowed and I wanted to cry loud, but the darkness and the emptiness in the house scared me even to breath. The night passed without knowledge, the Sun again rose bright and shine and the traffic gave background score for my barren life, but I still couldn’t sleep or eat. I walked inside the house like a mad woman. There were a lot of things that I wanted to think, say and do. Nothing seemed working in my life. The noises of traffic stopped, Sun went to its home and I still walked from one end of the room to the other. The darkness prevailed both in the room and my life.

I sat on the couch and bit my wrist to get a relief from the pain. Suddenly, a bright light creaked inside the unlocked door. He was at the door. I ran to him and hugged him tight. After five days, I cried loud. I cried loud that the walls started shaking. I cried loud that the pain subsided. I cried loud that my tears went dry.

That night I slept. Hours and days passed but when I woke up from my sleep, he was still there beside me. He smiled at me and I realized that the pain is gone.


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