In the Name of Daughters – In – Law


All was well. The wedding went well, the reception went well and the honeymoon went well too. It was on the ninth day after the wedding that the mother-in-law slipped and fell down from the stairs. The house went upside down, the incident became talk of the town and there was a war inside the house.

The mother-in-law blamed daughter-in-law for the incident.

Wait!

Did you think that the newly wedded bride pushed her mother-in-law from the staircase?

Yes?

Then you are wrong.

In Kerala, (I’m not sure how the custom is in other parts of the country), daughters-in-law, to be very precise the unlucky charm of daughters-in-law, are blamed if something bad happens in the house of in-laws after the wedding. In Kerala, there is a saying – “Ellam vannu kayarunna penninte neriyum aishwaryavum pole irukkum” which means everything depends on the luck and purity of the daughters-in-law.

The mishaps could be anything from the death of the pet dog to loss in business.

If we can dig in the old newspapers, we can find a lot incidents where the wedding itself was stopped because the in-laws felt that the girl was unlucky. The reasons to conclude the girl as unlucky are somebody’s leg sprained, the car met with an accident, somebody fell down while coming to the bride’s house, a black cat crossed the groom’s way(this one is not an exaggeration, I have to find/scan the news),somebody in the groom’s family fell sick etc.

canceled wedding invite

Now imagine the vice versa has happened, then the town will say that it was God’s grace that the incident happened after the wedding. If the mishap was death of girl’s father/mother, then the town will say that he/she was lucky enough to witness his/her daughter’s wedding and the soul will rest in peace(Now what the **** is this).There were incidents when the wedding wasn’t stopped even though the girl’s father/mother passed away and everybody told that she was lucky that the in-laws didn’t stop the wedding. I don’t understand how can someone get married on the same day when one of the parents had passed away? If it was the groom’s father or mother who had died, then the wedding would have cancelled right away branding her as the unluckiest girl on earth. Also, this news must have gone viral to such an extent that she will have a tough time getting married later.Why? Because, the moment a proposal of marriage comes somebody would say “Don’t you know? Her wedding was fixed once but the boy’s father died on the wedding day.” And the boy and the family who came to seek her hand would run back even without thinking twice.

If something goes wrong, why is only the daughter-in-law, at times her family, branded as unlucky?

 

Image courtesy : http://3.bp.blogspot.com

Related Read : Distance From BETI to BAHU

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16 thoughts on “In the Name of Daughters – In – Law

  1. We have too many superstitions as it it…just add one more to it…..and to think thatt kerala was the birth place of Adi Sankara who fought and vanquished all these so called beliefs of hinduism…and a 1000 yrs later- we are back where we started

  2. hey bhavya this happened on my wedding. My BIL met with an accident and had his hand fractured. but my MIL said, that i am lucky to their family that BIL escaped with minor accident. and FIL declared that why is accident connected to the wedding. its accident which could have happened any time, blame the slippery road for the accident and not the DIL.

    1. That’s because I cannot talk about things over assumptions.That’s why it is mentioned in the post that I’m not sure how it is in other parts of our country

  3. The same thing is with horoscope matching before wedding popular in whole India?. In Pure astrology Death is an extreme thing to happen and is determined by the Bidhata Purush( the God, Almighty). It can not be escaped. Some says the remedies in Astrology means to minimize the bad luck. If death is minimized then live by being disabled permanently? No extreme happenings is due to intimate association with someone or some family members as found in pure Astrology. If that is true the why blame only the daughter-in-law why not any of brother, sister, parents etc? Is this law of association is true where there is a sexual relation only? This is not the astrology written in Palm leaves, this is the commercial astrology. Fate is determined by almighty we execute that through our work( Karma).

  4. Extremely stupid but true all the same!! Our society is Patriarchal and Patriarchy rules every thought and action. A DIL is always made to feel that it was her privilege that the family accepted her. She is made to pay for this. What needs to change is the mind set. But we seem to be in no hurry doing that. The so called education we get, the technology advancement that has happened are all used to further patriarchy. Otherwise how do you explain female foeticide? What a girl is made to “study” is also dependent on how it is valued in the marriage market.

  5. hi bhavia,

    I like your blog. i want to share much more about my problems with you.. I am a very simple,, emotional and soft hearted girl and i care for everyone in my in laws house. but my mother in law is never satisfied with me. the reason being I can not be like what she expects me to be, i cannot transform myself from one person to another completely. She expects me to be a typical house wife- invite her family and friends every now and then for lunchs and dinner, cook from morning to evening, tolerate her sarcastic comments in front of other people, She is an extreme socialite while i can also be social and call for gatherings and functions in occasions but not everytime whenever she wants. And that too the guests are always hers , she never asks me to invite my family n friends, its always hers.

    now tell me how long will i pretend to be someone i am not. i get sick at times. and thats the reason i dont like staying and even visiting her house. I can’t be what she expects me to be. All she wants me is to stay in her house as a typical bahu and make her happy by completely transforming myself into someone i am not.. She expects me to stay in her house rather than with my hubby who stays alone out of the town for work. I am sick and tired of everything. I dont know when things wil work in my favour.

    pls help how can i focus in my life as well as make her support me too…

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