A Request to the happy faces

Most of my posts arise as the after effects of discussions or chats with my friends.So here is another one.

One of my old friends caught me online and we had to tell nearly stories of 10 years to keep both of us updated till the present about each other.

After a couple of weeks,I came to know that she has done a serious online investigation about me.She knew about every blog post of mine and almost every comment I had posted in other’s blogs.I was quite happy about it and I thanked her.But little did I know then,that we were falling into such a deep pit of arguments.

According to her,there is nothing called abuse,marital fights or dowry deaths.She is newly married and just completed the honeymoon phase,so I brushed her comments aside.Since she is the only child,I thought may be she was brought up in a dream world.

When she told me that abuse,dowry deaths,divorce and rape are happening ENTIRELY because of women’s fault,I became irritated.But when she told that some of the most respected women bloggers were writing just some pile of feminist s**t,I just couldn’t control my fury.I know a lot of women bloggers who blog only to get peace of mind.There are some women bloggers with whom I share an emotional bonding after knowing their story.

She told that her in-laws are better than her parents and her husband is the best guy of india.I am happy for her because very rarely we get such a life after marriage.But just because her life is happy doesn’t mean that she has to belittle other’s suffering life.

Most of the times,having a wonderful married life is pure luck.It is a gamble.Even today,in India love marriages are not as common as arranged marriages.Also not necessary that all love marriages will work perfect.

Here is the answer for her blames.

Lets call her Sathi.She is my travel friend.We commute together for an hour almost daily.She got divorced two months back.She is working in the IT industry and her husband(ex-husband) too.Her marriage was an arranged one.Both of them looked like made for each other couple.But I used to see her with swollen red cheeks and puffed eyes at times.But then we were not close enough to discuss such matters.Later when she told me I couldn’t digest.I felt sick in my stomach.Her husband doesn’t like if she sits idle for sometime.If she got no house hold work then he will make her press his feet.He gets angry if she is watching TV or reading magazines.But the real problem was not any of these.He had Sadomasochism. Being beaten up black and blue during sex made her like a zombie.She tried taking him to a sexologist,but he refused and the atmosphere at home only worsened.Before completing one year of marriage,she moved out.When her parents enquired his parents,they refused to admit it.Of course,they were ignorant about it.Have you ever heard,in India parents asking the boy before thinking about his marriage whether he got any sexual disorders?

Now tell me where did she go wrong?

In India,we don’t sleep with the guy before marriage to know these kind disorders.The astrologer declared a 8/10 compatibility for the couple.Their families were perfect and their jobs too.Within 3 months time before marriage,how much can a couple know each other?

I am not putting the blame completely on the guy.Even he could be unaware of his disorder.Most of the people don’t sleep around before marriage like in West.

Now this is a request to all the women including myself having a wonderful life.

We were lucky enough to get a heavenly married life.That doesn’t mean that we have to make fun of the ones who are suffering.Most of them suffer in marriage mainly because of tough luck fate,lack of assertiveness,ignorance of the issue and void choices.So lets give them a helping hand.

In between my 9 hours job,I try my best to help the suffering ones by talking to them and giving them a warm smile.During my commute I come across a lot of women from various social strata.Some sell fruits,some others with flowers or pen.Have you ever tried knowing their lifestyle or the difficulties they face to make a living?

Two weeks back,while travelling back home,the police guard at the ladies compartment was shouting at a 17-year-old girl.Luckly two old women realized that he is shouting at her just to divert our attention.While shouting at the girl,only God and that girl know where all he inserted his hands.We made him get out of the compartment and talked to the girl.She was expressionless.She told us it was a usual thing.If she protests,then next day he may charge some petty case on her.So imagine while she is selling fragrant jasmine flowers in the train to make a living,how much abuse she has to undergo in a day.

Our life is good,so thank the Almighty for it but never belittle the suffered ones because we never know,our life can also mess up.We never know!!


12 thoughts on “A Request to the happy faces

  1. Two things i wanted to point out ..
    1. Majority marriages are happy mariages
    2. “In India,we don’t sleep with the guy before marriage to know these kind disorders.”.. WELL sorry you are wrong there .. one night stands are VERY common these days .. sleeping with one and marrying someone else to sleep with naother are veyr common..

    Though i agree with everything , there are still some sorrry figures and sad stories and hope and wish things were different…

    that police guard well someone should have got there slipper and beaten him black and blue .. these days most police dept. have facebook accounts could put a picture up there …
    such people need to be made a example of .. how can they call themselves a MAN when they do such things…

    1. Unfortunately, law is on policeman’s side. He can easily arrest the girl for selling flowers n the train without permit!

    2. I am not sure whether point 1 is completely true or not
      but about point 2,yeah!!the number has been shot up exponentially..
      then about the police guy..phew!!!

  2. True Bhavia.. I agree, even I have heard of many unhappy marriages, and it is NOT because of the girl inviting it. And I really appreciate women who stand up for themselves.

  3. A very thought provoking post Bhavia!
    I agree with Bikram about changing sensibilities. One night stands, flings and affairs are constantly on the rise. So is premarital sex. But of course, a large number of marriages in out country are still arranged and a physical relationship is experienced only after marriage. In such cases, sexual disorders remain in the closet. I also agree about life being a gamble. There is really no assurance of a happy married life no matter how the marriage has been solemnized. It becomes necessary then, for the abused to stand up on her feet and difficult though the society makes it for her, take the responsibility of her life in her hands. My salute to such women of substance.

    1. Yeah Bikram is right..the count has been increasing for past years..but again it is mainly in metros and other big cities..
      we should really appreciate the women who take the courage to come out of such a situation..at least in my friend’s case her parents are very supportive..

  4. These are one of the many cases…Sathi is courageous to have walked out of the relation.She is lucky to have support from her parents.Many do not..But we do not know how many Sathi’s sre still suffering…

    The only thing we can do is to create awareness among the women about where the line gets crossed..

    Not sure about abuse on low class. They are always been taken advantge of. There should be lot of local organizations who could provide them small scale,jobs, food and shelter,..You could guide her there..

    1. I wonder how she managed 8 months with that guy..
      Last week when I met her,she was looking like the happiest person on earth..she told me “at least I am able to sleep well” and winked..

  5. Hi – Just one point that I would like to point out. You seem to suggest that if we bed our partner before the actual marriage, we may avoid this to certain extent. But, it is so common in the West and still, the divorce rate is very high. What do you say for that?
    Other than that, I agree with your views completely. Women should stand up for their rights and men can’t take her for granted.

    1. That sentence came to me from one of my American friends.She was seeing someone but once she realized that he got his own weird fantasies,she dumped him..I meant to say that at least both men and women get a chance to know it prior to making a big decision.
      The divorce rate in west is high because they give a lot of respectto themselves.They never stick to to a relationship for the sake of something.

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