They can’t because they are parents?


This time while writing I am having a clear picture about what I am writing.The reason is I have discussed about this matter with some of my “aunt-friends“.Even between such a busy schedule,I decided to write because I am having an intuition that now a visible trend has started.

Though I disliked “Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna“,now when I see from a different angle,after having some talks with senior women, I think the topic is correct in some sense.

The very thought about such a controversial topic came into my mind after hearing the wedding of Shashi Tharoor in the presence of his kids.

Then I was thinking,how those kids must have handled the fact the their Dad is having a girl friend and he is going to marry her.

Even though I write and support for the rights for woman and for love marriages,I have never thought about some thing like “Dad with his girl or Mom going out with her guy”.

Coming back to the details of the discussion I had with some of my very close teachers and senior female friends,what I understood was that 90% of them preferred to be out of the wedding.But they are NOT doing it just because they are scared of the society.

Deep from my heart,I don’t know whether to support them or not.When I heard their stories,it was right from their part.Most of the talks fell into these two categories.

"I remember falling on my Dad's feet for not getting married to my husband.
We have a daughter born out of a rape;first and last intercourse.
He is not leaving me because my father is his mentor. His life will end if he 
dumps me.
Even after being with him for 20 years, I have never liked him or disliked him.
Life is moreover like a hostel life. I am living for my daughter because she 
may not get a good proposal if my husband and I are separated."

I am wondering how come she lived all these years in suffocation.After hearing this,I understood why she used to spend most of the time in her work place and weekends with our friends gang.

"I don't dislike my husband but secretly being in a relationship/friendship
 with my boyfriend who is still single constrains me from loving him.
Moreover our wedding was an adjustment between our families as he had a
Christian girl friend who is still his girl friend and I was also in a 
relationship.As both the families wanted to get rid of our love life,
they made us marry.We don't have kids.
He is living his life and I am living my life.At times,I used to think why
 I am wasting my life."

When I see it from their eyes,they are correct.But I am still confused.

I don’t know about this issue from a man’s point of view as I am not comfortable talking about these with senior guys.

Going out-of-wedlock is not a new thing in our country.But we have heard about it only among celebrities and film stars.But about one thing I am sure,that the time for us to update two father’s/mother’s name in FB is not that far.

But,one last question.

Why are we against it?(Personally I’m against it)

They can’t because they are PARENTS??????????

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20 thoughts on “They can’t because they are parents?

  1. That just goes out to show that our system of family still believes in social respect and value string attached around it. Well, the day we chose not to fear about all these, we would no longer hold the true indian culture in us.

  2. I guess this is an eg of a personal tingy slowly becoming a trend. I mean these things are not sudden offsprings of millenium is it? I think we all have a right to be with some1 we are happy with. Why shud someone bear a claustrophobic marriage just because it is a marriage. Even I believe marriage is for life. But that doesn’t mean we don’t make mistakes right? If I feel that my relationship with my hub is not right, then I’ll ofcourse right it with parting ways.
    I think even kids are getting fine with these changing ideas. I have met kids who are comfortable with their Mom’s bf (Uncle) and Dad’s girl (Auntie) during my 1 year training in a school. If there is no love, what is d point! Because you love your parents? Duhuh! I don’t think so.
    Well, these are results of my recent pasty exposures (say college years in smal n big cities). Before that even I thought all parents are like mine, lovy-dovy buddies!
    And I can’t imagine why your aunty friends and partners dont tel the external craps to stuff it and explain things to their kids!

    And please, don’t mistake the no-love thing for misunderstandings and adjustment problems:D…

  3. I am no one to comment here. People, relationship are so complicated nae? But wouldn’t it be better to tell her daughter the truth than her finding out some other way?

  4. We live in spiritual India but we have attachments and commitments too. The worldly take on this is-It is very bad thing to do. You should do it only when you have no options left.
    The spiritual take is-All bodily or physical relationships are unreal and false. Go after that which is the truth. You will then realize that even after being born from one’s body,you still do not belong to it. That way our body gives birth to so many things but we do not consider these other stuff as “mine”.The other stuff can constitute body excretions also. But to explain this to a child is nearly impossible.
    Hinduism is a tolerant religion so we allow everything. Have a chalta hai attitude and you will see better. Don’t get swayed by what others say. Just have the attitude-Whatever happens does so with the Lords express permission and we are mere instruments in the hand of that God. Even when we fight for something, consider that as God’s diktat which we are following. What comes from is the heart is the God’s way of an answer. Happy Janmastami to you.

  5. ..i was just thinking about a lady who has a boy friend and is fearing about her daughter..not getting a marriage proposal..

    now why cant the girl get some guy..when mom can get someone at that age..? ok now if the mom’s bf is someone with whom the she had long relationship with..then why dint she think about this situation in the past itself and divorced to marry this guy..

    if you want to be part of the society..fear to it..adhere to it rules..you better be a social person..when you want to break the rules..and still want to be part of the so called society..now thats where the problem is..

    So I dont think the point you have raised..is some kind of “dharma sandheham”..which has no answer..it is simply trying to keep your legs on two boats.

      1. No I dont understand that..
        see..marriage is an institution..the rules of the game have been set by all our ancestors…and there is some method in the madness also…now if someone wants to breakfree them out of their personal choice..he/she shouldnt complain or whine over it..but be ready to face it fully.. its like have your cake and eat it too…when you want to enjoy the benefits of a common belonging, a society..then better live as per the society..
        ..now how common is this problem?the extra marital affairs etc?..if it is going at higher rate then the rules also have to change..cos after all rules are made by us and for us..and have to to evolve over time…but again why are the affairs happening..is due to failed arranged marriages? and is that due to western influence?..
        I can go on it..longer than ur actual post..lemme stop here.
        FYI-I am not one who subscribes to conservative orthodoxy values..
        Finally it is not that “they are our parents”..it is because we are a part of this institution..which bestows some tangible and intangible benefits..and we dont want our next generations to be deprived off from it

  6. Not all marriages are compromises, but if a relationship is not working one should move on. Hanging on for the sake of children doesn’t help. The kids do sense the animosity and the negative vibes and end up having a skewed point of view.

  7. If she is really feeling afraid to disclose and discuss this with her daughter explaining everything, then she is gonna be in deep trouble soon. She cant afford her daughter to turn cold shoulder to her. Can She?? I dont think so. But if she is not happy with the person she is living with she should just sit and talk with him. Society will not help her reconcile with her daughter anyway.. An argument or discussion which will never end…

  8. Somehow Older couples are bound by their traditions and ‘Society main Izzat ka sawal’ syndrome therefore they are sticking but the younger ones damn care now and go for second and third relationship without a hitch!

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