My eyes are watering and I am having a terrible headache.
I again looked at my laptop screen but I closed my Gmail web page without logging out. The e-mail which I read seconds before burnt me completely,it squeezed my heart to sink and it made me yell and cry.
I had a very close senior friend to whom I have an elder sister affection.During my younger days,I used to wonder upon the way she handled huge responsibilities and I always had a stint of jealousy seeing her matured and sensible behaviour.
Though she is elder to me,we are very close enough to talk out anything.The terrible e-mail was from her.I could feel the pain in her but it’s too late.Below is an excerpt of her mail.
“…I am hating myself for being in such a situation now.Though my kid’s smile and his love are making me happy,those were not that I craved to have at the age of 26.I have always told you about my dream start-up right?Remember??I topped the school and college dreaming about my start-up and not to baby sit and cook.Of course I want a family in my life,but this was too early.My dreams are shattered.I fought with him about this and he asked why I need to do it when I have no time to breathe with household works and baby;also he is earning more.It is making me more frustrated.Before marriage he had promised me that I could go ahead with my plans.Now I have to ask permission to a 101 people if I need to sort out this and it will be a mess.I should have not heeded for the emotional drama of my parents.I should have just made them understand what I wanted in my life.But what to do?I remember my mom falling on my feet telling that if I don’t get married at 23 they will suicide out of embarrssment.Now I am in deep s**t.I can never get out of the present committments.It will either end up in a divorce or I will suicide.Is there any rule that Indian women should never have dreams??Malu,I am tired of crying,I am tired of fighting for my dreams..I don’t know what to do now.Sometimes I will feel that I should just leave everything and then come to India.Tell me..Tell me something…………”
Why do this happen to Indian girls?Why do girls have to sacrifice their dreams?If we were born for it,why are we taught to dream high?
We slog as much as or at times more than the guys do.We top the schools and universities.We top the work and again at the age of 22-24 we are forced to leave our dreams for somebody who just came into the our life.
All we have is a life..Just ONE life.
If we don’t do things that we wanted during our one life,then when will we ever do so?Looks like the purpose of educating us and teaching us to aim high was to get married off without allowing us to do what we wanted in life.Then what was the need for spending/investing/wasting money on us?
According to the current trend,students join their colleges at age of 17/18 and they graduate at the age of 21/22.Some go for higher studies and some take up jobs.Lets take the people who work after their graduation.It will take at least two years for a normal human being to understand the industry and it will take time to decide whether to switch the job or to find out the field that he/she will be good at.The problem happens when guys always have the freedom to decide on their lives because they are just 24 and still young.But,at the age of 24,a girl is apparently old;of course for the wedding market(no wonder because when parents get their 18-year-old daughter married off,then 24 years is old for the wedding industry) and she is nagged to marry someone.Like any other human being,the girl will be confused about her career and dreams.May be she had plans to do a start-up or to study further or to switch jobs.But that normally doesn’t happen because of the emotional dramas and the endless phone calls from home.The post graduated people suffer even more because they take again two years to find out a right job.
After some years,we girls see guys who were not even half talented as we were fulfill their dreams with their hard work and determination while we end up sitting at home with two kids.Nobody will ever understand the pain in watching it in front of our eyes.
Is it a big mistake to think about having a financial security of our own before getting married?Is it a sin to be stubborn to talk about our dreams?
The problem is when parents expect us to do everything in the traditional way.They are happy and proud when we top school and college.But they show frowned faces and wrinkled foreheads the moment we tell them that we would like to post-graduate or work abroad.This mess is created by the society which makes crap rules.Parents are pressurized as the society creates nightmares for them if they don’t get their daughters married off at 23.The society cooks up stories about the girl not getting married by 23 and most of the parents are scared about this.Unless the younger generation tries hard to make a change,our daughters are going to have a tough time ahead.
I will not say that its everybody’s case,there are some rare lucky souls who gets a supportive husband and understanding in-laws.But that’s just .01% or even less.
At times I hate myself after hearing and seeing these issues..I don’t hate being a woman..and I don’t hate being an Indian.Though I am a proud Indian,I have no other choice but, to say that I hate being an Indian woman.