Lessons NOT learned from the West


Couple of hours back, I was wondering about the drastic change that happened to the culture of India in past 20 years. It happened too fast and steady that now even when we look back, it is difficult to believe that we have changed. We mimicked almost everything from the West; both good and bad. When you attend some parties it is difficult to believe that we are in India itself .We see an entirely different population that drink and dance .We could see the guys in covered up in clothes and the girls in an extremely opposite costume. We won’t hear even a word in Hindi or any other regional languages.But the saddest part is that we adopted 10 per cent positives from the West and we made a mistake of swallowing another 90 per cent which do no good to us.

Our talent to adapt our life style to another is surely an appreciated one. We learned how to speak English without Indian slangs, we changed our clothes to short and low, we loved different music and movies, we changed/deleted our menu to give space for American foods, we even changed the benchmark for HIGH status family if the family talks in English.

But even after taking in so much into our lives, we failed to see the points that would have changed our culture for good. There are two key elements that we forgot to snatch into our lives; unwed mothers and high paid wives.

Though we fight for pride and sanctity, we never realized that all we have is one life and we have to live it and not to kill it. Suicide is not a medicine to anything. It won’t cure anything, also it won’t change anything. The supposedly “bad” name for you and your family is not going to change by suicide. It will do more harm than we think. The person who spoiled/cheated you will have a good life because the society pampers him by saying “It is usual that guys of this age do these things, it is the girls who should safe guard themselves. Guys of this age are like this. Who told the girl to go out that time? Or who told the girl to trust that guy?”Isn’t the guy equally guilty in this matter? But that is purposely forgotten matter in our Indian culture. If you kill yourself, the loss is for you, loss is for your family and to NOBODY else. The departed soul will not rest in peace when a criminal case is charged on it.

You have to fight and live a life with boldness. You should show the world who pulled you down that you lived a life, you should show the spoiled minds that not just him, but you can also have a life. After all, God gave life to us to live it not to end it.

It is sad that nobody gives protection to the unwed mothers and the rape victims but the protection and support are always given to the ones who created these unlucky mothers and wounded victims. The culture that we should bring from West is the way they take these things light. They have the law which protects them to have a life. Both the girl and guy know to live a life even after having such a tragedy in their lives. Look at the life of Oprah Winfrey . Today people feel honored when invited for her Talk Show. But she got raped at the age of 9 and got pregnant at the age of 14 and it was the courage and boldness that she showed changed her destiny. That gave a place for her in the both the history and world. It is a vain to crib that God is not kind enough to give a good life. The truth is that you killed the life given by Him by not living it.

IT sector gives you a lot of opportunities to talk with the people in West. One of my American friends told me that her husband is running a small business and she earns triple of what her husband earns. She got two daughters and they lead a happy life .But here in India, I know more than 20 couples who fight just because the wife earns 1000 bucks more than the husband. Some of my senior friends were telling me that during the match making process, most of the guys en quire about the salary and they always prefer somebody who is earning less than them. Another senior friend of mine ended her 3 years wedding 7 months back just because she started earning more than her husband after getting a promotion. Why does this happen in such a highly boasted educated and rapid growing country like India? We see most of the highly acclaimed and talented Indian women are either divorced or still single. We live a married life by sharing the both the joys and sorrows. Yes, the relatives and friends do come as negative roles by teasing the guy about a -1000 in his earnings. But is that the way to make the married life horrible? Is that the way to deal with your wife? Or is that the way to show the typical Indian male chauvinism? What is it????Look at the famous director James Cameroon and his ex – wife Kathryn Bigelow who won the Oscar for best Director this year. They appreciated each other during the function. If it was in India, the woman would have not turned up for the function or would have even dramatized by turning down the award saying “he deserves it” and then the media tagging her “the best wife”.

The life at West is simple. They know how to move on with their lives and they know how to take their lives to heights.

I think instead of having bulges and showing flesh by adopting the food and clothes  from the West, we should try to bring in matters that will change our lives for the good. One of my American colleagues told me that they adopt things from India that will do only good to them like stability of marriages, Ayurveda, recipes etc. See that’s how we should adopt another culture.

Think India… Think…

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23 thoughts on “Lessons NOT learned from the West

  1. True…I want to be an unwed mother myself …may be after 10 years when I am too old for any guy to get married to 🙂

  2. Hi Bhavia, Even I think of this many times… Late night parties…. western dresses and unheathy foods had spoiled our culture… And the Indian professional wives are in a pathetic condition… Every professional guy of India doesnt want a spouse more educated or more earning than him….
    They should think that the girl is also educated and brought on the same way as the guy… The girl do this after all to share the family burdens of thier husbands…

    1. Yes,thats true..
      But what to do??Our society is that way..
      Even when majority of the working women think about it,they give up this thoughts just because in our country if we don’t marry by 26,then its a big issue 😛 😛

    2. Madhu, what is wrong with “western dress”? I hardly ever see men in India wearing dhoti, so western dress has been in India for a very long time. Is it only now that Indian women are also wearing it that it becomes a problem?

      What do you mean by “sharing family burdens of the husband”? Do you mean “serving and obeying HIS parents”?

      Living with in-laws is not healthy.

  3. Is this going to change unless folks (girls especially) start thinking for themselves instead of basing their opinions & ideologies on what peers think, parents say and society states? Whether it is the issue of unwed mothers being driven to suicide or that of guys not being able to digest a more accomplished wife, I believe it is because they cannot think beyond “what will others think? ppl wd make fun. .i’d be left alone with no friends”.. Only when they learn to live for their own sake rather than by the standards of kith and kin who do not really care much would all this change. .

    I guess the West has these issues too .. Just that more souls there are “liberated” in this sense .. While India has caught up with the West wrt the easy & trivial stuff like food, clothing & partying, the change has been too fast for the better things to get to the depth of the psyche!

    [There I go again. . long LONG sentences. . someone kick me! 😛 ]

  4. hi
    when we talk of Indian tradition and culture we conveniently forget to mention the period… so called equal status was in practice in pre-vedic period, i believe. later if it existed then it was among various tribes and a few isolated societies…

    the change that you are talking about should come from the thoughts first. you have mentioned that rightly. but how can we make others think…. again one big question… how many can we influence. i guess each one of us should lead a meaningful life and make others think…its like ayurveda… takes longer time for the cure.. but is the most suitable[perfect] way…

    1. Thank you pardada for dropping in..
      yes you are right..It will take a LOT of time to change this mentality..
      But if at least the present young generation don’t take an effort to change,then we are going to be in deep S**t..

  5. hey,

    Nice blog……..why dont u start writing articles!!!!!!!………. the best way to reach more people:-)

    Many would think its a squabble over a trivial issue. But its a prime time we should think and act.

  6. Hi Bhavia,
    Very good blog. way to go forward with regards India.
    But the basic issue which haunts us is that everyone is obsessed with his caste and religion(of course exceptions are there). They are so caste centred that they don’t want to have a change in thinking. the roots of caste have gone too deep.
    Also the thinking that people who are white are born good and those who are black are thugs and have to prove themselves that they are good.
    And we have only become money mongers and am sorry to say this.. the IT companies and MNCs have played a significant part in this(both positively and negatively). no human relations aspects and thinking now.. everything is materialistic..
    I only pray that we ppl. don’t reach a level where we ask :” Mother??? how much does she cost ?”

    1. phew!!that was a heart breaking sentence in the end..
      Thanks for stopping by..hope things don’t go worser than the present situation 🙂

  7. I do not think that the we should measure ourselves with their scale. Also the fractured families, unwed mothers , drugs , rape etc are problems in the west too. Bill Clinton’s during his successful election campaign made renewal of family system in the west as his major election plank. He made countries like china,Korea and india as examples. Also we don’t go to schools and colleges carrying a gun and shooting down teachers (even though i feel that is the need of the hour!)

  8. There has to be a revolution of some kind like it happened during our independence….India needs another revolution….I would say that Indians take the good from the west only when they are in west….staying here for a year now, I have seen how my friends (Indians) have changed themselves to adapt to the American culture…Coming from a big city in India , I have seen all the glamour and party life , so that was shocking for me over here….What was nice is people slog their butt out from Mon – Fri and party hard on weekend, relax on sat, do chores and household work on sunday and make urself ready for monday…..There are holidays as well over here, people here ( Americans ) like to celebrate Holi and Diwali….

    I think India must take the
    work ethic,
    equal rights for women,
    respect for labour,
    courtesy towards people,
    communication skills, ( trust me these people know how to talk, that is why they are superpower)
    thinking in a liberal way
    accepting gay guys and lesbians and transgender people…..( I am happy some revolution is taking place in some big cities back home )

    respect for all castes, cultures and religions..( yes…I hav not heard a white person talking something ill about a black person and vice versa , when we want to fight amongst ourselves by talkin abt cultural differences….you know the west kinda laughs and feels sad about the fact tht we still have Hindu – Muslim fights, I feel atleast as long as you are from the same country how does it matter…..
    We are all humans….for God’s sake…quit fighting….)

    omg….I can go on and on….

      1. yeah…realized that…It was nice reading your blog…Do stop by mine and feel free to criticize or simply share your thoughts….
        I am happy I started blogging…

  9. I agree with what you have written about moving on after a break up, divorce, premarital pregnancy, sexual assault – we make these things look like the end of a woman’s life. Instead of providing a strong support system – the community becomes a curse. My domestic maid’s 14 year old niece was abused by a married male relative and she never had the guts to tell her own parents – because she would have been beaten black and blue! And so he persuaded her to come away with him, telling her now nobody else would marry her… what kind of family, community or society is this, that instead of helping and supporting – actually forces some of it’s members to die or be killed

  10. “traditions are set of belief followed in a closed region during a period of time”, I believe that now period has changed and it is high time to change our traditions, that are outdated and causing harm. We need to uproot those irrational views of our society.
    Also we need to reinforce some which place us in positive side as compare to west.

    I already see the change. You are dare to discuss your views in public that suppose to be forbidden in our society.

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