Mixed feelings


Going home during weekends is rare and meeting my old school mates is the rarest.I have a habit of looking around each and everything on my way from the railway station to home as I see Calicut only once in 10 months or once in a year.Although I distract my Mom’s driving,I still love it. I like telling Mom comments such as “oh!!this shop was not here when I came home last time”,”Phew!!why is this road one-way now??”.

But during one of those accidental visits to my home,I saw one of my 12th std classmates.She was on the other side of the road waiting for the bus.Although she is two days younger than me(I remember her DOB as we were the only two Aquarians in the class),she looked like a woman in late twenties.Her saree was carelessly worn and her head covered with black hijab. Even though I saw her only for seconds, I could read a lot from her face.

She was not a close friend of mine but, I used to know about her as some of my friends were close to her.She got married right after the 12th std boards.I used to see her tensed during the pre-boards exam time,but we all were in tension at that time which never made us think about something like getting married.Some of my friends had gone for her wedding and in my 1st year of college I heard the news that she had a baby girl.Lets hope that she is happy in her life..

But what makes me ponder for the rest of my drive to home was a comparison about the feelings.After 12th std,the one and only thought I had was about admissions in IIT/NIT and entrance examinations.But at that time she was getting married to guy 10 years elder to her and taking the responsibility of a house.When I was getting tensed about the passing my semester exams,she must be getting tensed about delivering her baby.When I was dreaming about job,she must be struggling to look after her kids.Today when I work and have fun around,I see her in 35-year-old looks,having dark circles which shows her tension and struggles in life..

I was trying to get inside her shoes and think for a while and I almost collapsed.

It is not her mistake;actually it is nobody’s mistake.I am having a mixed feelings about it as I don’t know whom to blame.

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6 thoughts on “Mixed feelings

  1. Well she must have thought thats the right decision for her.Ppl do things without thinking about the consequences.Even most of us do the same..whether its a job or its a life!Its after we have taken the decision that we think about it.Some feel they have taken the right step while some realize their mistakes.NO ONE TO BLAME!

  2. I have gone through this – met a friend in the market and came home and told my mother exactly what I never wanted in my future. Love your blog – writing about such issues means many others might read and know that they are not the only ones and they are not wrong in feeling this way… once an anonymous blogger wrote to me. Her life from books, friends, discussions had changed into a life about the extra pinch of turmeric – exactly the way her mother in law put. Everything was monitored… from what she wore, to how she sat, moved, laughed … and she had been a good student. What makes it tough is knowing this need not have been this way

    If only we stop looking at marriage as the only goal in a girl’s life 😦

  3. I think at that age you are not wise enough to make such a decision and the people who bury someone under such responsibility are equally at fault. You can never know that you can have a better life if you are never allowed to experience.

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